


Coincidence

by Emberfire31



Category: Shen Wei - Fandom, Weilan - Fandom, 镇魂 | Guardian (TV)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Cigarettes, Confessions, Domestic, Eating Disorders, Fluff and Angst, Introspection, M/M, My First Fanfic, POV Alternating, POV Third Person, Short
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 36,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23658085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emberfire31/pseuds/Emberfire31
Summary: So this is an introspection of some of the episodes, and some canon divergence.I will mostly specify which chapter involves which episode.It's my first fanfic, so you know... be gentle.
Relationships: Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan
Comments: 36
Kudos: 33





	1. Intros

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic. Hopefully the first of many. I am bilingual, so you will have to bear every single mistake.  
> Next one will be an intro to Zhao's mind.  
> This kinda follows the series and wil start a little after Shen Wei moves houses because I am a bitch for those type of things.  
> So thanks for reading.

don't own Guardian, how could I? 

“Coincidence” 

That is what Professor Shen Wei used as an excuse to justify every single encounter, every inexplicable event, even any harm, even when it could not possibly be the answer for it. 

A man like him, who had written in this persona of himself exactly four thesis and published exactly ten articles, would never ever use that excuse for absolutely anything, but lately it was the only answer he could give. He was rendered a bit speechless; his focus was primarily focused on the dark beings and not being discovered, and his usual eloquence was destroyed. To be honest...he was just copying what his frie..., well, his... technically new friend had always said in jest. 

It was really no coincidence that he, Professor Shen Wei, was in Dragon City. It really just happened to be that there was where the SID had been appointed to be. Shen Wei had always known that he would keep his distance and that he would only approach Director Zhao as his official form. It really wasn’t that he had kept the distance extremely conscientiously, he was not counting steps, or kilometers; he had explicitly rejected offers to join the SID (several times in fact), and he had chosen the University because of the location so far away from the headquarters. It really had been coincidence that they had met that day of the murder. The events at the University had slipped from his supervision, he had been preoccupied by other matters, and he had been keeping the peace elsewhere. It really was that trouble had come to the place where he least expected it to appear, so close to his “territory”. 

After that time, more often than not, it seemed that Fate had wanted them together. Not as magnets pulling each other together, but as a knot that just could not untightened once it had been united. 

And honestly, trying to explain how he, a totally normal and humanly human could just keep encountering and surviving so many encounters with dark beings was just too weird to explain. He kept getting involved and even being an actual suspect of murder when this persona that he had adopted had worked just fine for all these years. It wasn’t that his personae could not be hidden and apart, it was just that every time that he thought he was safe and that nobody else but him and the dark being would notice that he was in fact not the most humanly human possible, Zhao just appeared every single time or at least it felt like that. 

It was weird pretending to be a humanly human in front of him. Normally people ignored him or just forgot that he did weird things. Sure, the professor had survived a fall from the roof, no broken bones or bruises. It’s okay. He was able to lift a piece of equipment by himself when the other day in front of that inspector he could not even lift a chair. It’s just Professor Shen Wei. There weren’t even conspiracy theories about him and how little he seemed to sleep. He is a fair and caring teacher, enjoy the tea he is offering and smile, the weirdest thing that he could ever be involved in is that he keeps hanging out with that weird inspector. 

However, with the inspector, Shen Wei had to try his best to act as human and frail as possible. Of course, he could bleed, I mean... he bled... he was a human. Of course, he had lost his breath when the girl had tried to choke him, she hadn’t been able to absorb any of his energy and age him, but ouch how it had hurt. Of course, he couldn’t keep up with Zhao’s pace, it wasn’t because he needed to go running with Zhao more, and it definitely wasn’t because he had to make a quick trip to the Underworld. It was especially hard to pretend that he couldn’t just carry Director Zhao up the stairs when he felt weak, or he had not eaten anything all day long, or when he had been injured. It was harder not to invoke all the authority he had as the Dark Brother to prevent him from moving or doing the most basic of things like eating, Zhao, for the love of everything just eat. He knew that he would ignore him as the Dark Brother because he was supposed to be above the human matters and therefore should not be bothered by such trifles as nourishment for the frail human bodies. Zhao would even consider himself a bit of a rebel for directly disobeying his orders. And he had tried relentlessly to make him eat as Shen Wei and all he received were smiles and excuses that he had drunk alcohol two days ago and lollipops did well enough, thank you very much... honestly... it was harder to pretend being a human knowing... that this was the human that Zhao thought knew intimately when he didn’t... know..., know... not everything. 

He said it was a coincidence when they had arranged to meet and drink tea. “This is not even coincidence, this is literally a plan, Shen Wei” Zhao had said that day with a big grin on his face. Shen Wei was only able to smile and then hide the smile with a cup of tea because how could he explain that he could only repeat the same thing in order not to say anything more. In order to let Zhao just talk a little bit longer and know this new life better. He had justified that meeting saying that he, as the Dark Brother, wanted to know how the team was doing, if they were adapting well enough, if they had started to be an actual team. The answers that Chu continued to repeat were almost all the same and he could not learn a lot of the team dynamic when his companion distrusted him and thought that he wanted to know Zhao’s weaknesses or something similar. That day, when they were saying their goodbyes, Zhao had said that the two of them should meet again in a coincidentally coincidencely way. He had to try not to smile more than he already did at that moment, he tried to not let himself fall yet again in familiarity. 

He had of course pretended it was a coincidence that he had moved in in the same apartment as him... because... what else could it be? He was ignoring the tightening of the knot between them, so he could not say that it was because of that. He refused the idea of the magnets and he just used the... I am being super suspicious, please continue to explore my apartment “stealthily” and I’ll keep pretending that every time that you come to take tea that you don’t look around looking for hidden cameras or whatever else you have devised now, Zhao... I mean... Shen Wei did not think like that. He did not smile every time he saw him, or his heart palpitated a bit more... that was simply... coincidence. 

And this is where Shen Wei is now. Home. Reading university papers and not thinking of the man in the apartment just across the hall, because if he were thinking of him, well, that would not be fair for his students.


	2. The weirdness of Professor of Bio engineering Shen Wei.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zhao names the weirdest things about the very normal Shen Wei.  
> Also a journey of mild defeat upon encountering an immovable object and not being able to even convince yourself that your friend is a completely normal human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the introduction of Zhao's mind. I'll be changing the POV alternatively and I might add some of the scenes in the series. But mostly the next chapters will be scenes outside of the TV narrative that can technically happen.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

There was no way in hell to describe Zhao Yunlan’s life as normal. Not when he was chief of the Special Investigations Division. Not when he regularly interacted with a thousand year old cat, or when he dealt with one of the three heads of power in the whole of the Underworld.

Despite that… the most baffling thing he had ever encountered and had caused him to question what was even normal anymore was that professor of bio engineering. He knew more than he let on. He knew about the things that he fought. He knew about the things that he only saw for a few seconds. Still the weirdest thing was that everything kinda felt easy. Walking with him, drinking tea, eating, sometimes talking. In reality it was also very hard being with him, with so many mysteries surrounding this normal university professor. If only it could be easier for him to ignore those mysteries and continue to smile easily and unpromptly with him, get to know him better, maybe coax him some more information with any means necessary.

But Shen Wei was again and again and AGAIN involved in basically every case that he had. Shen Wei seemed to know everybody, seemed to have interacted with suspects or murder victims at some point, seemed that he knew them personally or maybe know their relatives well. Any case was at least a little bit tangentially related to him. And he was the mystery that could not be solved when in reality he could not be anything more than just a normal human.

Sure, he was suspicious as fuck, but also every single thing that could prove that he was not normal had quite in fact proven that he was the most normal. Well, there had been some suspicions, like that time on the roof, but he was well enough, and there was that other time with the blood, but… maybe it was too dark and they had had to catch the face remover, and then he could not just pick up a chair, and he always refused to take a drink, and he went to sleep early because he was tired at 6 pm. His knowledge maybe was the only thing that made him not the most not normal, but knowledge did not turn him not human. Zhao always noticed how many times the answers or the right thing to say was on Shen Wei’s tongue. He always seemed to have something more that he could say but always stopped himself before saying anything else. Instead, Professor Shen Wei kept giving great guesses and working together with Zhao, and the inspector felt great and he felt better and faster and smarter than ever.

Maybe it was him trying to give more qualities to an already quite extraordinary man that just happened to be normal. The weirdest thing about him might only be that he did not have a cellphone and that he was unreachable some times and that bothered Zhao immensely (it was not the fact that he had always wanted to send him some memes or call him at an outrageous hour and tell him to meet him).

He sometimes felt the immense and quite impossible need to stop being an investigator so that he could stop calling Shen Wei a mystery or a suspect and just leave it at friend. After all, their friendship had bloomed so quickly, and effortlessly. The most difficult thing was actually keeping the relationship because being friends with him was hard. It wasn’t hard as when he tried to talk with his subordinates as equals, or had tried his best to made friends with either the grocery man, or the drunkards in the bars. Shen Wei was somewhat difficult to read, always pensive, always quiet with a mouthful of words, always hiding and eluding the gaze of others. He knew Professor Shen did not feel the same way as he did, he knew that he was an open book to Shen Wei, that only at a glance he could tell anything about his mood, his seemingly distracted thoughts, his conclusions.

Being just friends with him, treating with as a fellow respectable and not suspect human required time and it was respectable that the Professors priorities were in the right place, you know… being a professor. He had tried his best to invite him to the SID since it could be the only way they could be together longer than they were already being with the tea meetings, and the accidental meetups and the singular almost arrest. Zhao could not for the life of him enter the University and teach! He had already thought of the courses he could give and they were not acceptable and would require more time spent elsewhere and not with small, frail, Professor Shen Wei.

Tea was a sure way to get to his heart.  
His jokes, for some reason, almost always made him at least smile.  
As long as he could avoid the silent-avoiding glance movement, everything was still a bit more fine.

And honestly, maybe the second weirdest thing about him could maybe be that he a normal human like himself just kept finding himself wrapped up in this. It really looked like with the amount of Undergrounders that had appeared on the radar lately it was really just a matter of bad luck that Shen happened to be a bit related to them. 

Maybe the third weird thing was the fact that he never told him that he was moving in the same apartment complex even when the ride to the University was not easy. There was no logical explanation for that behavior; thus, again, suspicions of him arose. He went through his apartment, and nothing. He didn’t even know how Professor always-on-time Shen got always on time to the University when he didn’t even had a car or the University provided him a car (when it was kinda obvious he maybe was not the driving type, but whatever). He really either spent exorbitant amounts of money on cab fare or he walked everywhere without gaining any of the physical benefits or experiencing any of the sweat.

It might be better just to focus on the trust that always was implicit between them. Know that maybe it was a good idea that they were neighbors, and they could see each other more frequently. Maybe there could come a time when Zhao could tempt his friend to a car ride, maybe now learn if he was always so quiet or if the hummed to the music on the radio. But…, you know, knowing Zhao Yunlan, there would always be the nagging feeling that something was very weird with his friend.


	3. Protector

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The advantages and disadvantages of living near Zhao Yunlan, by Shen Wei

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mildly allude to eating problems so.......... yeah................. also smoking a bit. 
> 
> I honestly had to check the episodes again because my timeline of this whole thing was bonkers! I already have the next episode but because I fucking forgot that Shen got mugged before! So yeah... at least next chapter will be in two days.

#  Protector

Shen Wei knew exactly why he had wanted to move all the way so far away from the University even when it ate a bit more time of his every day routine. He would justify it to himself in any way possible, and mostly stuck to one answer when people on campus asked but… he knew, deep inside what it was.

It had not worked as well as he had wanted. Zhao suspected him almost immediately yet again, still he continued to trust him. Gaining his trust had never been a problem, the maintaining of that trust was another matter entirely. Zhao always cruised so closely to his real identity that it was becoming harder than ever to keep lying to him. Shen Wei himself didn’t even notice the lies coming out sometimes, the amount of “coincidence” ‘s he had said lately. He kept on with the useful information, and rejecting the invitations to join the SID pretending it would not be great to work ever so closer to him.

One of the unexpected negative side effects, definitely had been the late hours he was coming home, and well… the almost natural and subsequent robbery he suffered. It took a little bit more force of character to keep his own superior power down in order not to do anything to the humans in front of him. He was a protector of peace after all. They took all the meaningless things from him, he did not even mind. He kept his demeanor and avoided as much confrontation as possible. However, when they had grabbed the little tight necklace around his own neck that was even more familiar to him than his own face, he almost lost all control. Almost thankfully Zhao appeared out of nowhere as always and he almost discovered him as always. He stepped aside to leave the stage to a master of fighting; in the meantime, he recovered his own footing, his cool, and his belongings but he grew close of unleashing at least a bit of his power upon seeing Zhao Yunlan hurt.

He did not ask, there was no way of arguing with him, he gripped Zhao’s body and arm a little bit too forcefully and indicated him to go to his apartment. He decreased the strength as soon as they were closer to his place and when it was obvious that Zhao would not reject to enter his apartment. He saw for the first time Zhao sitting down as straight as possible considering that he did not seem how to use a chair or a sofa or how to sit at all. Still after sharing some quips and smiles with Zaho, Shein remained preoccupied. The only thing that stopped him was of course the whincing and he came back to the moment and reprimanded himself for letting himself go. How the tables had turned, how many times had they been in this exact situation, how many times would Shein had thanked Zhao over and over again; he had lost himself in the memories, and the intimacy of the moment. Of course Zhao could not betray his thoughtfulness and in turn betray himself of knowing the layout of the apartment which was really no surprise for Shen Wei. 

His friend left and all he could think of was the immediate affirmative he was going to give to Zhao’s invitation to join the SID. It was so dangerous to follow his desires and say yes. He was in a dangerous position now because of his desires, but he was getting closer and closer and deeper into Zhao’s new life. He was beginning to know the lack of siblings and the death mother and he had not pressed on information about the father. In turn, Shen Wei had not said much about the life he had lived here, but Zhao was not going to press upon many details on that. He always focused on the school part and then let the inspector call him an erudite, a literate man, an intellectual… when, well… it was a bit more part of a persona. Of course he wanted to trust him and depend on him. He wanted for Zhao to teach him a little bit more of technology, about cars, and other ways for him to make his life a little bit easier as technology had promised. But he would now betray himself as something more than an antiquated man who preferred the old crisp and slightly inconvenient way. The University put up with him and did not say anything even though most people on his supposed generation knew or had had classes about how to handle things like phones or so he supposed. He had to pretend to be his age, to be near sighted or far sighted whichever fitted the best. The only thing he could do is accommodate to what they now had, what there was now. Celebrate the little victories like hearing the inspector of the SID being empathetic to what Dixings live through. Shen Wei knew that he would never reveal his identity, but at least he could be a little bit relieved that Zhao was as good as a boss as he looked like and maybe it was a bit more on his team own fault for their behavior.

At least, the advantages of his decision to move housing were quickly apparent. Whenever he and Zhao met a little late on the hallways and he could now feel a little bit less anxious and worried about his well being. That did not last long though, mostly because Zhao had not been very forthright with a little “insignificant” detail about his life. It happened a regular night, he did not really mean to run into the inspector, but that was the moment that Fate had decided to throw the Professor a very in pain Zhao Yunlan. When Shen Wei had found him on the curb, his mind went straight to the worst possible outcome. He thought of diseases that had not seen the light of day in a thousand years. He thought of curses and dark energy… , he thought about stabbing and more robbers… really almost anything but severe stomach ache. He had spent the majority of the cab ride angry at him. In any other circumstances he would have gladly been closer to him physically and let him sleep on his shoulder, but hot fire ran through his blood. However, as his anger came from a place of caring, he decided to make the intimacy that they shared a little bit tighter and let the man sleep on his shoulder on the way to the apartment complex.

He opened the apartment with Zhao’s keys after he found them diving into his pockets. He was not thinking of how Zhao lent on him and how close they were because the only thing that he could think of was how small and vulnerable he looked. Shen Wei took no interest on the decorating of the place his friend called home, to look for things that Zhao considered valuable and dear, he went diving straight to a bunch of expired food and uneatable items of so called food. The only “eatable” item of “nourishment” that existed was some dried fish that was definitely not for Zhao… As always, he folded up his sleeves and prepared himself for whatever his friend needed apart from medicine. He had to prepare what he could with what there was and even make a quick trip to his own apartment to get some ingredients. He certainly had not forgotten that humans were fragile, but the least probable way for the great Zhao Yunlan to die could not really be because of lack of proper and frequent ingest of food. How could he… well… a man like him… suffer with something that seemed so simple, how could he not be eating when food was made readily available. It brought him back to the time of the great famine…. to the war… to… well… still. He could not allow this, how much time had this been ignored because he considered it as part of Zhao’s routine. There really was no explanation that could be sufficient, well… there could, but he would do his best to eradicate it. 

It was good that Zhao never knew how much time Shen Wei spent protecting his sleep that night. How his stomach was wrung in slight anger and worry. He had to remind himself to breathe and also that it really was not possible for Zhao just to fall deadly ill or straight up die this day since he had technically eaten lately, and he always had at least a fucking lollipop in his mouth, so at least that would help. He tried even investigating causes for Zhao not to eat now that he was not that angry and perplexed… he could only think of the weird schedule that the SID had and how much it had changed lately with more sightings of the Undergrounders; he also thought of the effects of cigarettes and how long Zhao had been smoking for… how not accustomed he was to eating as his expired food could attest. He could only try his best and think of ways to help, to protect him yet again.


	4. The not interrogation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zhao Yunlan triest to confront Shen Wei about his identity but Shen Wei brings groceries with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit angstier than the others.  
> And it will only get angstier!!
> 
> Thanks :3

After that night when Shen Wei had found Zhao on the curb with a terrible stomach pain and had taken him home and Shen Wei had pretended that he did not have a soft spot on the chief and he had let him sleep on his shoulder and he had cooked breakfast for him and seemed that he had watched over him almost all night and had just taken a very quick shower and had chosen his simplest outfit so that he would not waste any more time to watch over Zhao and had made him breakfast… and well… after Zhao had discovered a written note that had increased his ever doubts and seemed to have given light to the mystery of supposed Professor Shen Wei… and well… after that… a whole day long of time, Shen Wei immediately, and now with more permission, had entered Zhao’s apartment and brought with him some groceries.

Zhao had been preparing for this moment. He had been absent minded all day long repeating “impossible” under his breath loud enough for anybody to hear and think that maybe they were talking about them. The only thing that had changed his train of thought and path of action was a call from the Professor to ask him if he wanted to have dinner with him in Zhao’s apartment.   
With the force of excitement and an almost breakthrough, the inspector stood up and immediately prepared a bunch of questions, and backup questions, and scenarios to try to see if Shen Wei would do anything else unconsciously that could betray his real identity as the Black Robe Envoy. His mind kept repeating the familiar silent stance of the Black Brother, his posture always looking down not condescendingly and comparing it to the more familiar face of Shen Wei adverting his gaze, silencing himself, and his face quietly expressing that he would rather not. Zhao thought that maybe if Shen Wei was indeed the Magnificent and Extraordinary Black Robe Envoy he would be more careful to hide his mannerism as Shen Wei. He sure was not aware that he let his personality show through, when it was obvious as Shen Wei he had done his best to pretend he was the normalest of normal human; and had hidden well enough his own knowledge of Undergrounders. Zhao really could not imagine that Shen Wei and the Black Robe Envoy could ever be the same person; he could not picture Brother Black smiling, like not once on his eternal and long life; he knew that both of them were brave and had a sense of fairness, but Brother Black always seemed ruthless, a sticker for the rules, and merciless; and Shen Wei always proved to be caring and fair, his students and every authority over the professor could not stop singing his praises; sure, the power of Brother Black could explain how poor little human Shen Wei had always escaped almost unscathed everything and every danger encountered. But also what that would imply about Shen Wei really almost broke Zhao, because he knew Shen kept secrets because he was a principled man, but… if it was because he was not even a man and mostly a liar…

And well, despite all those preparations and all those backup questions and careful analysis of his memories of Brother Black, Zhao was definitely not prepared for the fact that Shen Wei brought with him groceries for, first of all, him to keep, second for him to cook with, third, for the both of them to cook their own dinner. That really just punched right out of the window all of the plans that he had ever thought about for that evening for at least a couple of minutes. Shen Wei’s actual weapon seemed to always be kindness and unconditional support without asking questions.

Shen Wei stood dapper as always on the door and then on the kitchen of Zhao’s apartment. Shen Wei was visibly more acquainted with his apartment because he went all over the place with purpose and direction picking up and throwing stuff to the trash. Zhao was half seated at the cushion of his sofa and following the professor’s quick and purposeful pace. He watched him take food and containers that Zhao was not even aware existed and then exchanged them for new and a hundred percent not expired objects. He watched as he continued to revitalized his kitchen with his sleeves folded by the elbows, his forearms free once again not to stain his shirt, with a perpetual slight scowl on his face. When almost all the items on his bag had been now relocated, he stopped and faced Zhao and asked him: “Tell me that at least you know how to cook”. There was no condescending tone on his voice and more than any anger towards Zhao he seemed baffled.

“Of course, I do!”, he said standing up. 

“You know how to make the breakfast I did for you this morning?” Shen Wei replied back immediately. 

“Absolutely!” Zhao now approached the kitchen 

He grabbed the things that were his and the new things that were now his and he started to cook a totally normal porridge. Shen Wei stayed silent the whole time, separated from him to give him space for his absolutely correct journey. He started mixing things that made sense and he even decided to give a little bit of a flare to the things and put some complementary condiments. Shen Wei stayed quiet. Zhao felt a bit sweaty. He had never really felt that much nervous doing anything else, and this was supposed to be a basic skill, and he wasn’t a hopeless and useless adult, he knew things, he didn’t depend on anyone else for food. But his father had never really taught him how to cook and well… his mother… had, but thinking of cooking, and thinking of the kitchen just… it wasn’t like he was even hungry, he was fine, he had had breakfast and a small lunch that Shen Wei had sent to him in the morning as if they were school boys. He decided to finish his creation and show it to Shen Wei who just looked at him speechless and with a bit of a smile.

“There you go”, said Zhao. 

“Why don’t you take a bite of that?” teased Shen Wei for the first time and then he came back to his usual attitude, “No nevermind, I dont want you to vomit on the floor”. Zhao was about to just grab a bite just to spite and prove himself to the Professor but he thought better of it seeing him stare at himself so serious.

Shen Wei took the abomination and put it immediately to the trash. He stood in an open position to Zhao and waited for him to come to him and cook along side him. “I believe you do know how to cook, inspector, I will give you that, however just indulge me and follow my instructions”. Zhao nodded and his usual relaxed attitude quickly came back as the lesson continued. He could know understand a bit more why everybody always said that his friend was a good teacher, he was patient, and he accommodated to Zhao’s way of doing things easily and with Zhao being an open book to the teacher, he knew his difficulties upon performing some jobs given by Shen Wei. Of course both of their movements were different: Shen Wei’s always so punctual and exact and purposeful, Zhao’s with a little bit of flare, and loose but still they did not miss the mark. At the end they had more than a decent meal for the both of them and Zhao for the first time in a long time sat at his table, sprawling all over the other seats and had dinner. He almost forgot he was actually eating because of the easy conversation with Shen Wei. He also almost forgot that he had planned to ask him some questions, to get the truth out of him in whatever means available. He regreted even thinking about soiling such a good time with such ardent and uncomfortable questions, but Shen Wei looked relaxed now, and open and Zhao had been left in a somewhat vulnerable but safe position as a student of his friend, so supposedly all the authority and power was on his friend and not on himself. 

Still he decided to wait until tea, where maybe Shen Wei could feel a little bit more safe hiding his face on a cup and to feel the active swallowing of answers that he would never give. The time when conversation naturally died down and they shared a comfortable silence. Zhao remembered with whom he had spent a similar time like this and it was with the same man he was seated with. The moment felt sour almost immediately now that Zhao breathe in and slyly and cooly prepared to say something when Shen Wei interrupted him with:

“I really must apologize if this was me overstepping, inspector. I’m sure you will feel free to say as much. I am merely worried about your well being”. Shen Wei now looked at his friend with such a sincere and apologetic stare that Zhao could only do a frustrated sigh now that he couldn’t just continue with his plan and he was having this conversation again.

“You really mustn't” and he saw he was about to get interrupted again by more worry that he could handle right now and he immediately decided to change the conversation to something familiar, where he already knew all the answers, although not of the motives, “And unless you want to join the SID and be able to check every single of my meals…”

That, as always, shut up Shen Wei instantaneously. Is it perhaps, you are already in a way part of the SID as Brother Black and you could not protect your identity as well with both of them being on the same place? Is it because you could not handle the way we talk about him when he is gone and it has only been recent my change of heart about Undergrounders and he would be forced to hide his powers in the most dire of situations only to protect his identity and…

“You know I cannot do that, I think you also know the answer will not change under any circumstances”, Shen Wei said low almost only to his tea cup.

“And why can’t you?” Zhao blurted out now. All his plans fell apart, all of the subtle ways to convince him, to lower his guard, he just could not wait, he felt that he had been waiting for centuries for the truth from Shen Wei’s shut lips.

They stayed in a uncomfortable silence that did not bother Zhao, he was fuming in his anger, he wanted to keep the silence as long as possible now, not because it meant that he was safe and he did not need to say anything profound, or keep talking inane things, but because he wanted for Shen Wei to think of all the time that he had lied to him, all of the weight that he now felt on his shoulders of all those lies, all those secrets, would it not be better to share it all and end all this, and maybe just go back and feel just as well…

“I’m sorry, I am keeping you up late. I will now return to my own house immediately. Have a good night”, Shen Wei said in the same breath that he stood up and left the table. He quickly crossed the door and then the hallway separating them and Zhao heard the click of the door shutting almost at the same time as his own door shut.

Zhao knew that he could technically retrace all the steps that the Professor had taken and just start screaming and kicking down the door for answers, instead he received a call about the case and all of that anger deflated a little bit.


	5. Tension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just more insight on episode 9 basically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back.
> 
> I might not be that constant because I'm getting school in a week........ and yes I said getting, like a fucking disease. So,,,,, I'll try. 
> 
> At least, just even writing again makes me want to write even more.

Shen Wei had not forgotten that he had to at least try to warn and stop Zhao of leaving town on the days when he was going to be out of Dragon City. He had not lost the task amongst the million of little tasks and little to-do lists, and the permission slips, and the talks with the authorities to get the students to go to an excursion that would last at least a two days. He had not stopped thinking about it all night when he was looking at Zhao while he slept after he had found him on that curb. He simply did not know how to approach the subject in a way where he did not have to explain, where he did not have to lie, where his earnest and sincere request could just speak for itself, where he could just invoke the trust each of them had, where he could just look at him on the eyes and without words and Yunlan could just understand. 

He had only said if he could just please, for the love of all the gods, and all was good, could he just stay put and have a chill day, get some food, travel some bars, anything. Zhao had given him a smile and had kind of agreed. He should feel reassured and not anxious at all, but even with that, he still felt that something was wrong when he was on the car with his students. The girl was trying her best to keep him interested in her conversation, but he was only thinking of what they would encounter, what would it mean, if it was perchance linked with yet another thing that he had missed. 

It was good that he did not know how to drive because he most definitely would have crashed it into several trees by now. His image of being a kinda weird teacher had saved him once again of having to interact with technology. Additionally, his other student was very polite and had offered himself.

However, when the car stopped, and Shen Wei had to yet again pretend he knew anything of the marvels that the humans had invented, he could not be that surprised that Fate yet again tried her best to annoy him and brought Zhao Yunlan to save him again as a knight in shining armor. 

He really did spend a lot of time saving him from situations. This was the first that was actually just a human mistake, unless, somehow, there was an Undergrounder specialized in ruining engine cars. 

Zhao was being too polite, too nice, too forcefully friendly. He really was up too something. Shen Wei was yet again on the suspect list when this was an actual to god school excursion that just happened to align with his interest. He sat next to him to keep Shen Wei close. He knew that if Zhao wanted, he would clasp hands with him so that he would know all his movements. Yet again…. his best weapon happened to be his friendly demeanor… his charming charisma, his easy and free attitude… his beautiful smile. That was what fooled and distracted his students. How could they distrust of a person that had helped them so much.

Shen Wei only took a look at the mountains and wondered just for a second and of course as if attracted by dark energy, Zhao was once again there. They kept exchanging roles. The Protector. The Chief. The Not Subordinate. The tension mixed with the forceful friendliness mixed with the other kind of tension that Shen Wei knew too well. And the man in his memories was standing next to him, not as a dream this time, but closer to a weird sent from the gods nightmare. On one hand he did not have to worry for Zhao on Dragon City, on the other hand he had to worry about Zhao Yunlan here. 

The worst part of this whole day was that he was not the one with secret plans. And he could not like disappear suddenly because he had students that he was responsible for… but honestly... the safety of Yunlan trumped anything, even more when they had been in danger and he had to stay on the little hotel and pretend to not be racking with anxiety and actually be someone who could help… at least that helped himself to know that he could not trust little sweet thing, Wang Zhen. That just confirmed even more his priorities: first Zhao Yunlan, second, his identity, thirdly… Zhao Yunlan. 

Whilst everyone worried about the curse and the supposed evil outside, he kept an eye on the seemingly innocent woman. He watched everyone drink the warm drink that she so sweetly had prepared. Her new existence was somewhat blessed by having her presence be unnoticeable by everyone.

Everybody fell asleep kinda early that night as he suspected. Shen Wei stayed up, just listening for the slightest movement, keeping a very watchful eye on Zhao. He was not worried about Wang Zhen, he was only worried about him. And he could not just tell him that, he could not just explain that when Zhao was awake and used the argument that he was meant to protect his students. Shen Wei could not one hundred percent guarantee the fact that his two  _adult students_ were going to be okay, but he knew that the only way to guarantee that Zhao Yunlang could be a hundred percent safe was with him and he was not satisfied with anything less.

He waited patiently because he had power and well an identity to protect. He was slightly surprised to see that Zhao had appointed Zhu Wong to stop him. Maybe he did trust her now more, who knows… At least with that weak attempt, he gained knowledge that she was improving and trying out her power. But… trying to hypnotize him… of all beings… well…

With that he felt a little bit more safe for Zhao in the future.

He set off. It was not really uncommon for him to fight on this form, with these clothes, but he was not thinking of wasting any amount of power that he could use to save Zhao Yunlan in killing meaningless beings. He could not bear the thought of being too late. The closest he was to the mountain, the more worried he felt. Now it was obvious that the creatures were not only there to stop the Black Robe Envoy, but everybody. The fear increased when he saw the creatures that most likely were now after Zhao because that man attracted danger as nobody else in the planet did. He did not think Zhao was that well prepared… he surely was alone and had left the backup behind because he was a lone ranger.

When they met again, it was with the mask. Zhao almost did not look surprised, he just looked straight at him, as if the mask did not matter at all and it could not protect him from Zhao’s sharp eyes. Now more than ever it seemed that he knew with absolute certainly who he was, what face was hiding behind the piece of fabric, as if he was now confirming what he had known for years, millennia even… but there was not even time to focus on that… he could only do so much pretending and right now he continued to jeopardize his position and pretend to be catching Undergrounders and not solely protecting Zhao. His two identities were now too closely linked and both of them wanted the same thing now more than ever, protect that man.

The mystery eventually revealed in front of them. He was not that interested in Wang Zhen’s story, but the tale just kept resonating with him, with his memories, with the man that he was standing as close as he did when he pretended to be a human. He could not stop himself from speaking. His mind overflowed with memories that it only find respite on voicing out an opinion. Zhao looked at him surprised and he almost regretted it. Zhao was too surprised. He looked at him as if he had never suffered. As if his mask and his job deprived him of feelings.

And then of course everything had to be around that Undergounder just in the moment when he could not do much about it. Just when Zhao was in the proximity of danger… 

The only consolation was that he was safe. That when he was able to do the impossible and basically bring back to life and reunite to lovebirds, he got an almost proud and not filled with surprise look from Zhao. Was this all he had to do for his friend to reconciliate his identity as the Black Robe Envoy, show him that he was compassionate and he kept on bending rules and following the silent requests of Zhao? 

Neither of his identities would do that. The Black Robe Envoy would not boast.

Shen Wei would not admit he was not human in the first place. 

At least Zhao was elated and filled with warm emotions to pay a little bit more attention to him and then he could not notice how Shen Wei felt upon seeing the two lovebirds back again together. 


	6. The Last Straw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know end of episode 9.  
> More introspection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will stop adhering to the episodes after the reveal, thanks.
> 
> Also idk I have a tumblr for fanfics only, but I'm only posting my fanfic and like some edits, but daseet.

Zhao had a blank mind on the trip back to the hotel. His body was filled with elation, with ginormous mystery solved right in front of his eyes. Sure, they were unable to stop the villain, but they were able to foil his plans.

He came down the mountain not alone again. His two silent companions were sharing a silence that he was beginning to identify two well. He did not look at them, mostly because it seemed that every moment on the reunion was a bit too intimate for strangers. His thoughts now ran unwillingly to Shen Wei… the total silence where there was no need for words, there was an understanding, feelings to big to fit into words, into time itself; silence covered them and tucked them in neatly.

After that, he tried his best to just his head as quiet as possible and when it was impossible, thinking where the fuck would he put that guy as inexperienced as he looked. How would he address him joining the team? Dear chief, we got a guy from a rock, can we keep him? No…   
It was almost a relief seeing the hotel entrance because if Shen Wei was not lying to him and he was not Brother Black, maybe he could still approach him and ask him for advice.

He was expecting to see Zhu Wong on the table, supposedly keeping an eye on the door, but he was certainly not expecting seeing her sleeping. How could that have happened?! And almost before he was going too far into that line of questions, little famous Shen Wei appeared at the landing of the stairs, with his usual smile, where he seemed genuinely happy to see him safe. And well, now things were better, they had done something that could only be done once in a lifetime. And celebration was called for everybody.

Alcohol was absolutely necessary, even more now that he was suspecting the person that he was doubting the person that he trusted more in the world, even now more than when the man kept pretending that he was not who he said he was, even more when the silence that they usually shared was turning slightly sour, horribly tense and even the slightest upset to their relationship seemed a little bit too much to handle.  
Part of the cause of his drinking so much was now seated next to him, not drinking a lot, thus he really should drink for both of them, drink for every lie, and every congratulatory wish for today. Zhao could not understand why would Shen Wei would not drink because how could he not notice the dent, the little rip on the now tensed fabric of their relationship. How could he carry those lies and those pretenses. He kept drinking and he was encouraged of drinking, until surprisingly Shen Wei took the biggest cup yet and he downed it as a professional would. And he realized he had never seen Shen Wei drink in his whole life, and then in a second he understood why, because the Professor slumped as if he were a rag doll. 

Almost immediately, he made himself responsible for the Professor. He deterred everybody from helping him and stopping the celebrations. ‘He’s a slight slim man, how much could he weigh really?!’ he justified himself. And when he was alone trying his best to carry Shen Wei up the stairs he could only think that the Professor had done the same for him, that he was “repaying” a favor, though he knew both would do it without any incentive. But you could owe me one, friend, and then I would be able to ask you what you don’t seem to be able to confide in me and honestly it’s breaking me trying to figure out why and how could you not trust me? What kind of bullshit do you think will happen? Will I lose any respect for you?! 

Well maybe he wouldn’t for that, but certainly a little bit for poor little Shen Wei not being able to hold his alcohol. This really was something that he would hold above the Professor’s head for all time until they were dead. In more time than he was comfortable admitting they got to the bed and he laid him down.  
Zhao did not consider that the Professor had done the same just a few days ago, that they were mirroring their actions in different times and places; that they both had taken almost delicately and with a little bit of contempt the other’s shoes, that they fluff the pillows and made sure that they seemed comfortable, the only difference being that Zhao removed Shen Wei’s glasses; they both did it with the same feeling as well.

Zhao did stare a little bit into Shen Wei’s eyes after getting the serum bag. Even without the glasses, he really could not tell if Shen Wei was the Black Brother. It would be a bit weird that they both used something around their eyes… but still, his glasses seemed very much part of his identity but still seeing him without them he still looked like himself. The glasses really did not have much impact, this really could not be a Superman situation, those people on the comics were not that dumb, how could they not tell?

and again, unlike Shen Wei, Zhao did not stay long and all night watching over Shen Wei’s sleep. He went down and joined the others and was quickly enveloped by the group’s energy. His guard was lowered. Seeing Shen Wei so vulnerable for just a moment made him just forget for a little more time all his insecurities, doubts, and theories. For now, he could just lightly mock him and then head to bed after checking the serum once again.

He slept well that night, things were resolved, his group was happy, he could see the love exuding from the lovebirds who also quickly got to bed, kinda separated, of course. 

Next morning, Shen Wei was still sleeping, and after some time, and because he had appointed himself responsible for the Professor, he made his best attempt to wake him up. He got to see Shen Wei’s little and beautiful smile once again. The Professor seemed more flustered for having kept the jacket so long instead of having basically fainted in front of his students. He was already planning a million ways to tease him about it, but he got the jacket back, and the powerful smell awakened all those horrible feelings that had died down and now felt not as bad as the poison the lies tasted like.

Once again, his mind was blank. He kept silence. Not a very comfortable silence, everybody around him could feel the tension. His feelings too big for words, too big for time itself.; they were not even contained by the silence.


	7. Sour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zhao is angry.
> 
> Shen Wei can't do anything but make him angrier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi....... so  
> online school  
> just killed me
> 
> So... mmmm  
> yeah.

Shen Wei was not really sure if Zhao was now actually stumbling into something. He managed to fool people around him, to even fool his own kind, to fool in part himself and pretend that this was still a plausible way to interact and that there was a need for his two identities to be close to him. That being the Black Robe Envoy would help him repeat to himself that they really could just be friends, coworkers, and Zhao wouldn't know everything. Being Shen Wei allowed him to be his actual equal, no powers, no title, no war past, they could be anew, and he could still fool himself that all he did wasn't for his friend because they were different two people.

It was absolutely working as far as he was concerned. It was weird lying to Zhao so directly, but the truth was too much. he had no words still, only happiness of being with him, of treasuring him, of trying his best just to keep it that way since he knew him, the lie would not only upset him but even maybe break the world in fronf of him.  
Or maybe he was just exaggerating.  
Still, he came back from the trip. He did life as normal. And as it was now his new normal, he got to meet Zhao once again.

He was about to contain a smile, as he smiled every time that he entered a room where Zhao was, even when he knew Zhao would be there; his smile would still try to prop on his face, make him glow... but as he saw Shao on that room, his smile actually died off his lips. There was something strange in the air, he felt the same taste on his mouth. There was only but …

Silence

He still tries to talk with Zhao because there was always something to do, something they could do, together and…

There

was

just

s i l e n c e

And Shen Wei knew what it normally was going on when Zhao was this quiet. His mind wasn't actually white, but the thoughts were so big and so loud that he just floated there on an ocean, unwilling to listen or speak or even blink. There was 

an 

ocean

either it was quiet and pleasing, there were actually no need for words, words would even soil moments, words were useless, he was in a perfect harmony that mirrored Shen Wei’s tranquility so closely that talking did not even exist as a possibility. Of course they had found ways to still “talk” in those moments, though he really would not call words to the sounds that came from each other's mouths involuntarily… but. There were other types of ocean, or at least there was another important one…  
It was… high waves and electricity on the air, the ocean and sky a storm at once, there was rage, because anger couldn't not cover it. And this was more about getting what he so desperately needed. Words would be like daggers despite efforts to dull them… he could actually keep thinking in the meantime, because we would scheme and think of any way to get what he needed and wanted and desired and…

Shen Wei felt the silence. Felt the ocean brewing underneath. He still tried to keep his composure. But there was nothing to hold on unto. There were no quips, no smiles, he had to face head on what Zhao was asking and it might be too much.

Coincidence slipped through his lips.

Hollow excuses. 

The same lies.

They had never actually worked, he could see that. He had never been a great pretender. He felt that he had always his heart on his sleeve when he was with Zhao, and yet. 

Zhao was done pretending. He was done. period. He looked at him frustrated. Not willing to go on with the charade. With more than rage boiling underneath. It wasn't a mix of disappointment or hurt. It was a new word to define something greater than rage. 

And Shen Wei was mostly so stunned that he could not think. His lips moved by themselves. He tried to take shelter on something familiar. Some good old explanations. But it seemed that everything he was doing was incorrect. Either taking a breath. Or saying more than two words. He could not do anything that would take the anger from Zhao.

Later, when he was alone, he just thought of the failed monologues that he had prepared whenever he felt weak and he just wanted to remove all pretenses. They really weren't more than two lines long because Shen Wei immediately thought of the consequences. Of the danger. Of the disappointment. The rage…

He just needed to work on his own again. He just needed to get used to not having Zhao by his side, to hear his theories, to see his mind working through a mystery, not thinking of Zhao’s safety. Of his smile when everything was finally okay…

No. No. It was fine.

Completely okay. 

It was just a child. He had the other half…


	8. The plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's basically episode 12 and a bit of thirteen!
> 
> THE CONFESSION!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry.  
> School has been tough.  
> And I'm going through a rough patch.  
> But hey!  
> I am thinking of just uploading once a week instead of feeling horrible because I cant upload every other day.
> 
> Have a good day, tho!

#  The plan

One might not have thought that Zhao Yunlan could tackle a very dangerous Undergrounder as the one that had killed four people without touching them or trace of dark power AND plan for a way for Shen Wei to come clean. Zhao was very committed to his work, and it was obvious after a few moments of knowing him. So, of course, seeing him, quiet, almost looking at the horizon, one might think that he was planning and covering all the possibilities for a very close encounter to the villain that he had been battling for months.

And to be fair, he was, but he might be spending a greater deal thinking which ways he could steal that confession. Maybe in another state of mind, he would have worried about why he wanted that confession so badly, or what type of confession he wanted. Maybe he would have dug a bit deeper into why he felt the betrayal so close to his heart, maybe thought about the intensity of the feeling. It really wasn't as if Zhao was not an introspective guy, he really just carefully avoided some topics. And from his perspective he was tackling the Shen Wei topic head-on, diving in deep. Not only to just one corner of their entire relationship.

The problem… well, not a problem, maybe an obstacle, was that apart from having to fight with the edgy teenager they had as an adversary, they also had to fight Shen Wei as both the Black Envoy and as the lovable and innocent Professor. 

Zhao had always felt that Shen’s information could have been a bit better. Like every single time that he went to get information from him. Now he felt it even more than ever. He actively felt that the information that was being hidden could actually break the case and well… maybe it really wasn’t that information, but the real truth that he wanted to get from him. He knew that the release that he would get from Shen Wei’s lips would be…

hmmm

Yeah…

Still.

Once again.

As if foretold.

As if written before.

He found himself in front of Professor Shen Wei’s office.

The Professor opened the door. He said hi.

Zhao looked straight at him without saying a word.

The Professor let him in.

Zhao put a foot in front of another.

The Professor asked to what he owed the pleasure, they did not have anything planned for today. 

Zhao looked at him, thinking about the plan.

The Professor took in the silence.

What words would be better for the plan?

The Professor asked that he hoped they had had a good trip from the mountains. That his students were doing okay. They were thankful.

Oh… his students.

The Professor stood there in silence.

yeah… maybe… with the part of his ruse he could get on with the plan.

The Professor asked Zhao if he wanted a cup of tea. He did not wait for an answer though, he was already going for the tea set and turning his back upon Zhao.

That somehow helped Zhao utter his supposed original intentions for coming here. The… man… the… student.

The Professor did not say anything, pretending yet again that he was absorbed under the tasking job of preparing a tea. It was not a difficult tea. Both felt the pressure of the silence. The Professor tried to think of something, but he could barely breathe on this silence.

The tension was only broken with the sound of the tea set hitting the table.

Zhao was now looking at The Professor, pensively.

The Professor started talking. None of the words that he was uttering contained any of the words that Zhao so desperately needed. He did not listen to anything.

He asked for the  _truth._

Truth did not come out. The Professor tried his best.

Zhao initiated the plan. The beginning of his theory. Humans were fragile. Humans received harm. Humans almost died even just with the presence of Undergrounders. The Professor was still okay.

The Professor continued talking. Zhao could not think past the fact that he was not hearing the words “Brother Black” and “my identity” or “I’m sorry” or “I was lying” or “I need to tell you the _t_ ruth” or “I lo…” I mean… \--Just excuse the poor little detective. He does not know that they _are_ having the same conversation even if it seems like they are talking about two different topics. Even if it seems like Shen Wei has not listened to him. No. The words are deep inside Shen Wei. Those words are the only thing that is keeping his mouth racing through words. His mind is elsewhere. His mind is repeating a mantra that he has been repeating even more often now. His mind is just saying DONTDOITDONTDOITDONTDONTDONTDONT

Zhao’s body cannot help sighing in frustration. He still feels the silence even though Shen Wei is still talking. The silence is the absence of the truth. 

The Professor keeps talking. Talking is his whole existence now.

Zhao tries another approach. Maybe if he is honest, the honesty and the mutual respect and trust they have on the other will be born again. Maybe… but

The Professor keeps talking. He does not even know what he has been saying for a while now. He might be revealing delicate and confidential information by this point. Who knows if his own self-control is even working by now.

Zhao sits by him. 

They don’t look at each other.

Zhao speaks.

It is as if he hadn’t said anything.

On another seat, the mind of man is almost broken by just having another man by his side. there is a single whisper… d…o…i…t…

Zhao does not get it. What would be the worst scenario? There was no precedent that The Black Robed Envoy could kill people with the truth. What could ever happen? What could be so bad about it? He could take it. He could take the weight of all the truths. The knowledge of the origin of the universe. He would be able to withstand it. What he could not stand was the silence that The Professor was keeping. It was deafening. It was making him actively mad. He wanted to scream at him. He wanted to hold his stupid vest and shout at him looking him in the eye.

The Professor said the thing that Zhao hated the most. The part where everything could just be attributed to coincidence. That he had no active part in it. That he was innocent. That he was not the villain who had all his fingers in all the pies in the world.

And Zhao just wasn’t able to do this. The plan was not working. There was no way it could ever work.

The Professor actually kept silent this time.

He was so close. So close.

yet

so

far

he wants to know him.

He felt an urge to feel like this was working somehow. Not that this was not maybe working, but, that he was not wasting his time whilst pursuing personal vendettas. He made a call to the SID.

But danger was coming.

And when Shen Wei said he would go with him, as one, as they were, he could not refuse. He still needed his help desperately. He still wanted him by the end of this whole ordeal.

They left the office. 

They got there in record time.

Still.

Zhao was thinking if maybe they could have gotten sooner if only Shen Wei admitted the truth and they could go on the little portals or whatever. He wasn’t sure if humans could go through them. He did not anything about the Black Robe Envoy powers or the Black Robe Envoy in general.

Still.

They got there almost in the nick of time. 

He jumped towards the artifact…!

And then everything was…

images

flashes

his people

the power

the rock

the…

the arms of Shen Wei around him, holding him, preventing his fall. There was only the strength of his grip on his body

and then there was not even that reassurance.

* * *

He woke up and he was alive. And he was there. And everyone seemed calm enough. And he was there. And the artifacts seemed to be in their allotted place. Because  _he_ was there.  _He_ was the one that had stopped the Undergrounder yet again  _because he was an Undergrounder himself._

He thought of what might help in this situation with the plan considering it was apparent he could still be a little bit selfish and still continue with his plan. 

Flirting!

He looked at him straight in the eye! He said the words and Shen Wei reacted as always.

He was a charming man. He knew that.

He still smiled.

The smile came very naturally. He was still glad he was alive. And the artifacts were there and he had yet another confirmation that Shen Wei was still working beside him.

And then another opportunity fell right into his lap. A way to confirm that Shen Wei was in fact the humanest human in the history of the humanest humans: to check his body.

He knew Shen Wei would volunteer. It was not that hard to pretend he was not in the best condition to do this.

And Shen Wei took the bait.

Maybe if Zhao had not been so pleased with being on this side of the equation he would feel a little bit strange that he was manipulating him, he had the upper hand, and maybe he would really start wondering why when Shen Wei seemed to ready to give his life for him, period. Then maybe the reason why he did not tell the truth would be a bit more apparent.

He continued in the silence, trying to fill it with thoughts. Trying to fill it with the plan.

What he could ever do when he had the full truth?

No one knew.

Aaaaaaaaaand........................

Shen Wei with less clothes.

Shen Wei with fewer clothes.

Wait English…

Shen

Wei

clothes

yes

yes

yes yes yes yes

He laid on the table, as a feast to be eaten.

It was a great thing that nobody was not paying much attention to Zhao because he could then take the vision of the slim, tight body in the…….

oh, man!!

He only noticed that Shen Wei was barely breathing because he was looking at him so closely. Yes. That was why he was looking at him so closely. There was no other fucking reason. yes. His body moved without his permission. His face got closer to his face. His reasoning was to see his breathing. The closer the better. His face inclined a bit. His lips almost touching Shen Wei’s skin. A deep-buried thought immediately took hold of him.

Kiss! him!!

And he still stayed like that for a second longer. Maybe that would not…. NO NO NO! RETREAT!

Shen Wei left the office almost as fast as Zhao had separated himself from him. He stopped himself from watching his back leave.

The only thought that could stop that impulse to run and wrap his arms around that man and kiss the truth out of him was… the knowledge that he was basically dead.

Maybe if he had gone after him that would have been it. But he would never know that Shen Wei had hesitated. That Shen Wei had his own persistent thought. That the truth was so close to being blurted out. Maybe the confirmation of desire would have sufficed.

At least, and only for Zhao’s relief, his mind changed the impulse chant to just another question.

A more logical question.

A more productive question.

Why was he here?

Was he there to help them?

To be a villain?

To destroy the SID?

To invade as well Dragon City?

To create an uprising?

No…

but still

why?

* * *

Luckily, things had gone a bit better after Old Chu showed up. They managed to capture the man who had a girl with him. 

He knew he should be giving the case his full attention, but the undying loyalty, the fierce protective nature of the young man, the willingness to do anything for the girl. He could not get Shen Wei out of his head…

And almost as if he had summoned him, he appeared, to take the Undergrounder. Surely that would help everything. Surely they could never work together. He had the gall to present himself as the Black Brother as if Zhao had not been too obvious by now. As if he did not know how much rage was actually starting to bubble instead of uncertainty or doubt within Zhao. 

Silence was with yet again.

Shen Wei brought silence with him.

Things were happening too fast to think of anything but a master plan. They still needed to fight the edge lord and Shen Wei in two fronts. At least the epiphanies were coming just as fast when he saw another part of his group defenseless and vulnerable… the girl was their real problem and the only way for them to lure the girl was with the person that Shen Wei had basically kidnapped!! At least he knew know that people could travel through the portals… but that was not important!!

The wedding was a weird throw towards them. It was a lot of people. A lot of things could go wrong. They had no way to mitigate any situation. They did not have the means to do it. They needed desperate help from the person that refused to help them…

And … yet fucking again, Shen Wei was interfering with their investigation instead of working together… 

Later, when everything had calmed down, he sat in silence, not knowing exactly what to do, how to exactly react. He was… angry, he could feel it. He knew the old sour smell of death. A day of such happiness ruined by death. And now there was Shen Wei yet again. In his beautiful blue suit. He looked beautiful amongst all that disaster that he had supposedly stopped all by himself. A tall flower standing in the midst of a war. This really could not be possible again! He really was one fucking step ahead! Why could he had been informed before? Maybe if they had worked together that death could have been avoided… no, no, no Zhao you do not believe that, you do not think that… Shen Wei did not caused the death, he could have avoided it, but all your anger is towards another Undergrounder, not savior of the wedding, Shen Wei.

And then he came again. They were not as magnets, because magnets can’t help to be together, but… if both were in the same place, with the type of tension that could be felt city wise, well… they would find each other, no matter the mood of the other. Looking as innocent as possible. Everyone around him looking at little Professor Shen Wei in his beautiful blue suit and thinking him innocent, human, and… handsome.

And he was done. He was over this. He could not bear it. They could be a team. A team that trusted each other. He could be an official member of the SID as he was already. Why not fucking make it official? What was the whole problem? Did he not… want to be … well…

And both could realize the act they were both done performing. Zhao could tell that not even Shen Wei believed his words. He was just talking…

He left with the knowledge of what he would do next. 

What would the steps be?

How he could get the confession out of him.

Save that little child that had suffered so much.

Save himself some trouble as well.

The first step was obviously finding a discreet way to trump the powers of the Undergrounder. Technology and ingenuity were there for that, there was plenty on Zhao’s head and on the SID, and well… the technology nerd was always there to please.

The second step was preparing his employees. She was the most reliable one. She would stand on the way of a bullet if it was necessary, but let’s just hope it isn’t. He informed her that she had to pretend to be incapacitated, that if she could help, she could, but that the most important thing was fooling the villain.

The third was almost incidental… finding Tian Xiao.

The fourth was pretending when the eventual showdown with the villain happened. He knew that Juing loved the theatrics, he loved the drama, he loved being a super villain and having his time on the stage and performing. On the other hand, Zhao was not a perfect actor, but at least he knew that his anger and resolution would get him anywhere. And when the perfect time came, he knew that he would be able to stand like a statue and follow the edgy teen’s instructions. He would be able to fool Shen Wei if he just followed everything to a certain point. 

He wasn't a stupid man. He could handle himself. That would have been ice cold.

They got to Tian Xiao. He got the others to take him to the SID, he needed to prepare an ambush.

He stayed where he knew Shen Wei would come back. The Professor was not stupid. He would arrive to the same conclusion as him. He would know that he would need Xiao in order to get to the girl. He stayed. Looking at the girl’s violin. 

Rage and satisfaction mixed with each other inside of him, it was like a sweet fire. He was incredibly mad that Shen Wei just kept being stubborn. What would it take for him to just come clean? Who had to die for him to tell the truth? What were his limits for fuck's sake!!!

Still…

The violin calmed him.

Those vibrations could get to him, despite of the ear plugs. He could feel them in his head. He barely cared about what he was playing, but his fingers did come back again and again to a very romantic and bittersweet song. Maybe he played it a little bit too forcefully. He was glad that his father was not there to comment upon his technique. When Shen Wei arrived he made sure not to look him straight into his eyes because if he did that, he would gloat. It wasn’t time to gloat yet. To boast. It was time to get that truth.

Shen Wei no longer had any cards in his hand. He had been caught red-handed. He had been ambushed but Zhao had prepared for this. He knew he had to go along to not endanger people. He knew he had to go alone. He had thought about making Shen Wei confess in front of another member of the SID, but maybe he would just keep up the charade, and he needed him, undeniably on his side, fighting for him, fighting together.

Shen Wei remained silent. Zhao enjoyed this silence a bit. He had all the weapons. Guilt. Appealing to his guilt, to his protective nature, to his loyalty, to their friendship, to his compassion.

“If you had told me that Tan Xiao wasn’t an Undergrounder earlier, we could have used him to lure Zheng Yi out, then the tragedy at the wedding would not have happened.”

That one had a bit more sting on it that maybe he intended. The man had saved all those other people after all. However complicated as this was, the purpose of this was not to fully blame him, but for him to confess.

“Shen Wei, I thought we were friends.” 

The beautiful man in blue looked up at him. He had done it. He just had to wait.

“I thought…” his friend started, “I could protect Tian Xiao. I can handle this well.” You obviously can’t my boy, because _we_ got him! You need help for god’s sake! “I… I didn’t say it because I did not want to drag the SID” and he paused, and Zhao could tell they were having their most real conversation yet, no pretenses, this sad Shen Wei was the real Shen Wei and it still very much looked like the lying one “… to drag _you_ into a deeper whirlpool.”

One little part of Zhao wanted to say something. But he knew he had limited time. The teenager was about to burst in. And he still wanted that confession out of him. He did laugh out of anger and because of the ridiculous situation of getting the SID into deeper trouble. They were always in the deepest of trouble! They were the whirlpool itself. He was surrounded by Undergrounders every day! He had gotten two by complete accident!

“Actually, I…”

And that is when he heard the vibrations. The real ones. He had not felt the effect before. But he did not care… Shen Wei had wanted to confess. Zhao had already thought of some other excuses that Shen Wei might have said instead of that interrupted sentence. He knew he could say that he had sneaked when the Black Robe Envoy wasn’t there. He could say he had connections with the SID superiors. He could even say he was a normal human again. No matter what. He still… had wanted to confess and that was enough for Zhao.

He of course did not know of the pain he was causing to Shen Wei. Maybe if he knew the whole truth. Maybe if he knew what would it mean for  _The_ _Lord Black Robe Envoy_ to give his life for his… he may have known of the deep feeling that was burning inside Shen Wei. But he had to keep up the charade. He went on with the plan and when he had Shen Wei in front of him, he could feel it. He could see the internal conflict. He could see everything a little bit clearer. He did not even relish in the idea that Shen Wei would sacrifice his life for his own. He did not even relish the idea that Shen Wei would do anything for him because he had not been able to be open about it. He had to plan the plan. He had to execute the plan. He had to pretend. He had to be on the other side and he did not like it.

* * *

He arrived at the SID.

Shot Zhu Zhong…

He did not aim for real. A real marksman might have noticed that there was barely any blood for the direction and the aiming of the gun. But Juing would never notice, because… he was stupid and reckless when he felt sure of himself. He should have never lower his defenses. He should have never entered the SID, a place where his powers were useless, and stayed in it long enough for ANYTHING!

The Professor appeared a little bit later than Zhao expected, though. He thought he might appear before, that he would be waiting for him on the steps of the building, and then that he would have to fool him maybe wink at him to reassure him that he was fine, that they could finally end Juing. Kinda luckily, Shen Wei arrived just as they were leaving. He heard his voice first, it made him feel a little bit more sure that the plan was going to work. All of his trust was in Shen Wei and his intelligence.

He then saw him, not his face, but his shoes that were dirty from running… so that is why he had arrived so late… so maybe Juing had been correct and Shen Wei’s powers had a limit… still… no matter… he was there.

It was a bit weird seeing soft-spoken little Professor Shen Wei being so forceful and direct to him, even if he knew that Shen Wei would catch up with the plan fast. It was harder having him so close, though. He almost believed that he was as distraught as he pretended to be. Shen Wei was slightly a better actor but only because Juing was so up his own stupid butt. Shen Wei trusted him. He did not know anything but he still trusted him.

Shen Wei pretended to fall and stayed there for a bit, or at least long enough for Juing to be distracted and Zhao could turn around.

He aimed for real this time.

The ruse was up. Everybody knew that he was a great actor. Everybody had believed him. His stoic act, he really needed to tell Dead Cat about it!

Zhao laughed, and Shen Wei was absolutely pissed. He knew he felt betrayed, but he would get over it.

And without hesitation, Shen Wei, upon knowing that Zhao knew his identity, he stopped pretending and launched himself to action.

And then he did it.

The power happened.

It chilled him to his bones.

He was totally him.

He could be none other but him

Oh the truth tasted so sweet on his lips.

He had to stop himself from smiling.

He knew it. and now…he could do it. He could defeat the edgy teenager that could not even check his fucking ears to see because he was so sure of himself and his plans. He was so sure. He thought that humans were weak. He probably thought that he did not have the resolve. Oh, if only he knew that he had bested the most intelligent Undergounder yet, the Black Robe Envoy, and that piss baby could not even compare to Shen Wei. If he could fool Shen Wei he could fool the world, at least for a bit.

Everything was going swimmingly.

And they were just as they had always seemingly been. Together. Working as if they were one. Reading each other’s mind. They knew. It was okay. The plan was in motion. Everything would be okay.

And Zhao now did relish on the power that Shen Wei exuded. This was the Black Robe Envoy. This was the man that inspired respect even in the toughest of malignants. This was the man that his subordinates respected, even the puppet man. This was Shen Wei. His friend. His companion. His… He could see the glory of the Black Robe Envoy in him. He knew why Old Chu admired him, it wasn’t just because of his power it was because of his strength and the way his body posture changed immediately when he was protecting him. The unspoken bond between them was stronger than it had ever been.

They hurt the edge lord too, even. They got back the little buddies. 

He did end up enjoying that view afterward.

Shen Wei was still silent, but the silence was not oppressive at all.


	9. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ep. 14
> 
> The Aftermath of the confession and how poor little Shen Wei is on the verge of just confessing everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi.  
> sorry  
> this was a long one  
> I like this one the best honestly.
> 
> I forgot to say that I am getting all the dialogue from Viki.com

#  The aftermath

Shen Wei did not know what to do now that Zhao knew his identity.

Everything about his day was lying to everybody around him. He had gotten used to it, he had come to terms with it. It wasn’t lying. Most people did not even know what an Undergounder was, let alone who The Black Robe Envoy was. It was easy looking at his students and pretend he was a regular human. That he had not lived that long. That he was almost the same as they were. That he deserved respect because of his normal accomplishments, not because of… well… the status that even most Undergrounders did not even know about. 

Of course, it had sting lying to Zhao as they got closer and closer. The only thing that hurt as much as being called just a friend by Zhao was him saying that he had trusted him. These past few days it had been torture. He had borne indifference, he had borne the teasing, he had borne the endless suspicion quite nicely, but… the betrayed face of Zhao was entirely too much. 

He looked at the perpetrators already knowing what he would do with them. He had already heard Xiao’s side of the story. He already knew about their unbreakable bond. He already knew that he would never punish the girl. He just… knew… because of his other identity that his student was a good man, that they would live happily and contentedly. They would never do anything wrong with the power they had. Really… this was just a flaw in having two identities. He really was not supposed to know much about the Undergrounders, he was supposed to be fair, he was supposed to enforce the law, he was supposed to not be swayed by the look that Zhao would surely give him, the one that had worked before.

He approached the child and his student. Xiao did not even look surprised upon finding out that his professor was just a man that could summon a sword and the girl had no sort of idea what a “Black Robe Envoy” even was. Xiao probably had experienced more in the last few days than anything that he would probably experience in his whole life ever again.

“Professor Shen Wei,” he said. “Thank you.” He did a small bow, still holding on to the girl.

“I need to speak to the child.”

“Whatever you have to say you can say it in front of me.”

“Well. You see… you don’t know who I am, but I am a figure of power, I knew your family. You are what we now call an Undergrounder. You are a mutant, which is okay, I am a mutant too.” the girl nodded. His student yet again seemed not really surprised. “Now, Undergrounders are not supposed to be on the surface… and normally I would have to bring you back there, however, I will make you an offer.” the girl nodded again. “You can stay here but you will never be able to use that power of yours. If at any point you make anything irresponsible with it, I will be forced to intervene.”

He transformed into The Black Robe Envoy to explain his presence there. After all the altercation he had had with Zhao, it would not be even believable that he would be there as Shen Wei. Xiao still looked at him apprehensively, he really did not want to let Ye Zhing out of his sight ever again and he saw his old professor as an enemy. Shen Wei was not really surprised about that, Xiao had almost doomed the entire world in order to keep Ye Zhing safe, he was not going to stop now.

He still stayed silent most of the time. He was afraid that his fear would make his tongue talk. He had been in such an emotionally vulnerable position, seeing Zhao almost choke himself to death, and then had passed some terrible moments fighting his body and his heart just move a little bit more just to get to Zhao. Sure… it would take a little bit knowing that Zhao had lied to him, that he had never been in such a great danger than the one he actually was. But still.

He stayed at the SID, knowing that the only way to justify his stay there would be dependent on Zhao’s previous attention to himself, because for the past few days, again, well tension had only been there, and not the type of tension that was always there, a bitter one. He counted Zhao’s breaths for starters, He thought of all the things that he would give up on Earth for him to be well and forgive him for lying to him, he enumerated all the ways to distract the others and try to intervene with dark power, he thought of the ways to tell him he loved in a whisper and if it would work… he just kept his mind busy, barely moving.

He watched everyone assembled surrounding Zhao, not daring to talk since he was in his Black Robe Envoy form. The tension was palpable, but because of his demeanor, they did not worry about Zhao’s health. If the Black Robe Envoy looked calm about Zhao’s state, then everything was a bit fine, even if The Black Robe Envoy did not know anything or maybe almost anything about human anatomy. They whispered amongst each other. The only who dared to approach more than Shen Wei was, was Dead Cat. He could have transformed into a cat just to transfer him some temperature and good vibes, or whatever nonsense he would say. In reality, nobody knew that Shen Wei did not dare to approach Zhao, he did not want to blow his cover, because if not he would be cradling his body, listening to his breathing and heartbeat so closely as to never miss a beat, he would count every single one and each one would at the same time be torture and a relieve. He stayed also there not knowing if he could hold that form for much longer, he was not using the black energy, but still. Maintaining this charade was ironically getting physically more difficult to upkeep, maybe at some point, he would be able to more convincingly say that he was only a human because his powers would no longer work… but… better not think about that.

He was counting as best as he could from that distance the breaths. Dead Cat seemed very calm about it, just checking because people asked him to with a glance. Again. Nobody dared to ask aloud, nobody dared to break the respect they had for “Black Brother”. Would this change if Zhao told everybody? Would they not respect him anymore? Would they talk and feed more fear and anxiety into Shen Wei’s heart? He was not even sure what would be worse. To hear their thoughts and worries, or remain in the silence broken only occasionally with the sniffing of Dead Cat.

He did awake at last, and immediately it was as if a spell had broken. Zhu Wong was as happy as she could be considering that although the plan had gone as well as it could have gone, she still had got shot. Dead Cat was happy and was containing himself from jumping into Zhao’s lap. Everybody else remained silent still not daring to talk in front of the Black Robe Envoy. Neither his student nor the child revealed his identity either, they knew full well what would come of it. The guy they were following orders was afraid of him after all, what other proof was needed of the power that he wielded?

Zhao immediately started joking:

“Why is everybody so quiet?! I’m okay…oh”

Shen Wei and Zhao locked eyes. Zhao was obviously still a little bit weak of body and his lips ran loose.

“Why are you dressed like that, Sh…”

“You are okay, perfect” he quickly interrupted.

Zhao understood immediately what this all was. Shen Wei was not going to confess his identity to his underlings. He was not going to approach “Old Chu” and say that in reality, he loved the man that he thought he was plotting against. He was not going to say that had lied to him. It wasn't because he did not trust him, but he had fought so hard to keep both his identities separate and hidden from each other. He was supposed to draw freedom and more power from it. He was supposed to be both infiltrated into the higher places of the SID and at the same time being one of the figures of power of the Underground but…. well… then… it got a bit complicated.

He looked at the girl and his adoptive brother. His bond so close and unbreakable. They would have killed people for each other. They would have broken and destroyed the world unknowingly just for each other. Shen Wei could honestly understand that. He would do it in a heartbeat. Still. He repeated the proposition to the girl who already knew what was going to happen. Xiao still did not look very convinced, he still thought they were going to be separated forever, and it would honestly be better to keep that lie intact, that image of The Black Robe Envoy as it was instead of even attempting to say that he was going to break the rules and follow his moral and heart. He ignored as best as he could the judgemental eyes of Zhao that now looked at Shen Wei more openly, more judgmentally, more as if he had a right to make an opinion about this instead of accepting his authority like Chu did. However, nobody said anything else and the girl accepted the deal.

He waited until Xiao left the building as well to reunite them. He quickly left, maybe if he wasn’t there he could appeal for insanity, for the girl being able to control him, for anything except he could not bear the child to be alone again and a human living on the Underground.

He got home and waited. Waited for Zhao and his judgment. Waited for Zhao to come and maybe even say that he still did not trust him, that all those weeks of him lying were too much, and how could they ever be apart again? Shen Wei now knew how much he had missed him. That the sun was bright… That he would as gladly and consciously would destroy the whole world to be with him.

He thought of making tea to calm himself. He tried it once, but he actually burnt the tea and the water so he had to start again. He still remained quiet even though nobody was watching him, nobody was listening to him, nobody there would be able to discern that he had been lying and had in turn endangered in part innocent lives. He tried to breathe and remember once more that he was waiting for Zhao, who was alive, who had things under control, who had managed to lie to him. If Zhao ever knew how easy it could be for him to pull his strings… he would do terrible things for sure. He redid the tea, trying for an easier blend, a blend that he knew Zhao would enjoy, maybe he could balance things out with a little bit of tea.

Zhao arrived just in time. Shen Wei invited him in, his door was unlocked, he wanted to minimize as much as possible any interaction in fear that it would go badly. He was quiet and barely daring to look behind him where he could feel Zhao prancing around his apartment whilst looking at his things. Was he looking at the new things that he had bought once he got the job at the university? Was he looking at the very few personal things he actually had and were so simple looking compared to the very new and clean things that were around? Was he looking at the books? Was he looking at the notes that he had taken of the Undergrounders that had gone rogue? Was he… looking at Shen Wei?

Zhao was now seated in front of his coffee table. He was not seated as he normally sat, the surface did not allow for it, and on the other hand, it was too fine to even think of putting boots on it. He looked at Shen Wei smugly. He knew he had all the cards. Shen Wei could feel the confidence and he tried to be as sheepish as possible. He knew what he had done. He had done it consciously. He was ashamed of some actions, but he had been trying to protect his identity and Zhao at the same time…

He poured the tea and gave it to Zhao. His cup was too small for him to hide his face in. Maybe he would need to drink all those confessions away, maybe Zhao was only there to look smug and torture him for a bit… unlikely, but still.

“I knew it. You may act as you want, but you are still soft. You empathize with the people that you bring to justice. You are not the impenetrable wall of The Black Robe Envoy.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” 

He really was hoping he had not seen the two “fugitives” out there galavanting. Zhao was a more powerful man than he could ever know, not only did he hold power over Shen Wei and in the SID, but also for other Undergrounders… how much could he change his whole image just by saying he was kind and not impartial, not that he would say it.

“I know what I saw. I know what I have been seeing. Unless you figure out a way to erase my memories…!”

“How do you know I cannot?” Shen Wei answered. And part of him did want to know… part of him wanted for everything to go back. For Zhao to not be suspicious, or to lack this anger right now. Shen Wei felt terrible and just exhausted. Really, Zhao would never know how much these past few days have been torture. “Still. I had been lying, that is true.” Zhao got his confidence back. Shen Wei really should be focusing more on acknowledging than defending himself. “And I am tired.”

“Let’s bygones be bygones. I’m sorry for my past behavior to the Ambassador. As you once said… we are friends, right?”

Yes.

Friends.

Above everything else, they had always been friends. Before being lovers, or “work buddies”, or associates or whatever else Zhao had once called their relationship, they had always been friends. They had always trusted each other. They had had each other’s backs. The silence they shared… had always been filled with implicit trust.

“Of course. We have always been friends.” Shen Wei tried to look into Zhao’s eyes for reassurance. Was Zhao trying to play him, again? Zhao looked back. They stayed in tense silence for a bit.

“Well, now. I do have a question about that. You say we ‘always have been’. Always can’t really have begun a few weeks ago, or could it?”

“I-” It seemed as always even when there had been some periods of times where that had not been true. They were not born as friends, they became friends. And then, well, there was that time, all that time, and then his arrival at Dragon City. Always had certainly not been a few weeks, but still. It was technically true. However the actual truth… “I cannot tell you about that right now.”

Zhao dropped the question immediately and changed it to an easier one, at least for Shen Wei, but to explain it to Zhao, maybe it would be more difficult: 

“Why both hide your identity  _to_ help me?”

Shen Wei had to immediately drown the confession of love that was about to blurt out of his lips. This was not the moment. Zhao had only known him for a few weeks. Zhao had only known him as his friend. His friend who inexplicably felt cosmically and profoundly tied to the other. But those ties were not of love.

Zhao knew him too well; Shen Wei realized, at that moment. He dropped that question again. Shen Wei still drank another sip of tea burning part of his tongue in the process to still stop himself. He was now dreading the next question, but Zhao changed tactics altogether. A tactic that maybe would work too well.

“Certainly I believe that the damage and hurt that these lies have done to me is not irreversible, but you really cannot expect me to be better with just a few words. It would not be appropriate.”

“No. It wouldn’t. Then, what would be appropriate?” 

What did he have to do or say to finish this? To finalize this. To end this. To just… be okay again.

“Promise me something.”

_Anything_

“I ask you, as Professor Shen Wei of bio-engineering department of the University of Dragon City, plus The Black Robe Envoy of the Underground, for my sake, please join Special Investigations.”

His body moved a little bit more instinctively than his mouth. He tried to get up. Escape. He really could not do that. He would have done anything, but putting himself in that position, it really was not ethical even though he had been doing it for a while now. He knew he could not be impartial, he knew he would endanger further hid identity. The fact that they had all stayed silent whilst they were still extremely worried for Zhao just a few hours ago. The fact that he had lied to Chu. The fact that they were not Undergrounders, but still very much respected the figure of The Black Robe Envoy. He knew that very few people on the Underground actually knew him and did not hate him. He did not want that here. He needed an environment where he could work in, not getting more and more involved with humans, and their mission, and for anything that people could use to say that he was impartial and had a predilection for one of them.

All this was racing through his head unintelligible. Again. His body moved instinctively. He had to at least put the cup down instead of immediately letting it drop on his clothes. He would have to check if the china was chipped, but he was not worried about that in that second. He did not even felt Zhao’s hand only after Zhao moved it as his body reacted again without permission. He felt a bit caged. He… would have done anything but… Zhao… why that?

“I hmmm” Zhao tried to dissipate the tension, that was actually tense and uncomfortable. Zhao for the first time remembering that Shen Wei was a powerful… man? “I’m sorry. That… was a joke… just now… yes.”

Shen Wei was looking down consciously now. He really could not look up. He had to slow down his thoughts and try to think if there was even a way he could ever in his life say yes. What would even be the circumstances necessary for him to say yes? Apart… from… well… Zhao.

“I think you need help. Our help. I also think we are a great team… we could do anything as long as we work together. Only together will we be able to keep this peace and tranquility” 

Really Zhao could not be the only answer for everything. Fair, it really was not his only motivation for his whole world, but the knowledge of him breaking the entire world just to keep Zhao… well… it really was hard to deny and pretend he did not know that and that he would do it and do it and do it until there was no habitable planet on the galaxy and then the universe.

He looked at Zhao. He did not want to admit that he really needed help. He had been lying to himself as well for a really long time. He had been lying about his power, his vulnerability, his feelings… if only he could not lie about being glad to be with Zhao even more time, being beside him and making sure he was okay, keeping the peace that he had fought hard for…

Zhao looked at him. Hopeful. Shen Wei knew that he had asked, again and again, and again. He really did not know that it really might be related to the fact that he… actually wanted him… on the team at least? Not because he was suspicious, or because he wanted the answers, but because… of him?

“I accept.”

Zhao gave a clap excitedly. He almost got up. Shen Wei did not look if he should continue to look at him. He sat again and properly.

He went to sleep. Supposedly. He still needed sleep, but it was as if he had stayed all night long looking at the ceiling, thinking of what would happen next. His mind went from stress source to stress source. 

What suit would he wear?

  * What would he do if someone caught him? 
  * Was Zhao horribly corrupted by the Ancient Relics?
  * When would he stop pretending this was just about the Relics??
  * They were… just friends… and that was fine and okay… but…. no, no, it was okay, he would do anything for him, even if they were not lovers. He had him now. He had him now. He had him now.



But really, what was the limit for the truth? Should he really just spill all the truth that he knew? About all his relationships in Seastar? About everything he knew about Undergrounders? About the fact that he still really was not that knowledgeable?

He did not wander in his alliances. He knew that he would always put Zhao first. Then his position as The Black Robe Envoy. And finally his teaching. And he would be a consultant last. He could juggle all that, possibly. Really the advantages of everything were absolutely worth it.

He did try to see the good thing about working there, but it was a bit difficult since he felt so vulnerable, since Zhao seemed as if nothing had changed, as if Zhao could really get over all the lying and his words were really that true: that if he joined the SID, bygones would actually be bygones. He still felt like he did not know what to do, and he felt too aware of that. Recognizing it a million times was not really helping, but also… he did not know what to do about it. He only knew that… well… maybe perhaps… he could watch Zhao’s diet a little bit better, and… maybe… well… maybe… he could really spend as much time, even if it was just investigating, or ruminating as he did other things with Zhao… they would share… so many other moments, so many that maybe the lies would get buried under them…

He really.

Really

Like actually really.

DID 

NOT

WANT 

TO SPOIL

THIS 

FUCKING 

RELATIONSHIP.

He finally slept. And when he woke up, he decided to go for a professional look. A color that made him feel a little bit better. With which he felt that he could disappear and blend into the foreground as possibly Zhao would shine in all his glory and all his wardrobe. He put on his glasses without thinking about it… well… maybe he could still passively fool people who did not know the truth. He could still be sweet Professor Shen Wei, weird Professor Shen Wei. Just… for a bit.

Zhao had told him he was going to give him a lift since “he was such an old man and such and he did not know how to drive, and really how could he not know how to drive? Such an intelligent and dexterous… hmmm yes”

They met in the hallway. He pretended that he was not waiting by the door. He pretended again that he was not tired. He pretended… well... yeah… he pretended because that is what he knew how to do best for now. It really was a shield by now. Now that he was back to being one person with Zhao he still had to maintain the idea of objectivity and that he was… only just.

“Why are you driving so fast?”

He could actively see Zhao swallowing a “you are old” joke. In the end, he just answered the truth.

“I just have to debrief the people in Seastar about the case. They talk SO much. Especially that Minister Gao… you know, the guy you saved at the wedding. He asked me to bring you down there.”

“I may let them down, I am just a normal…” he said, instinctively. Not even thinking about it. He realized it before he said the word human.

“Normal, huh? Normal what? A normal Professor? A normal Black Robe Envoy?”

Fair. He had never really felt normal. The only moments where he felt normal were the ones with well… Zhao… And now this was the new normal. Yet again confessing his identity, now a bit worse. Now a bit more complicated.

“I hope you can keep this secret from the others…”

He wondered how much different would he have to act in that meeting with the higher-ups. They knew him. He knew a lot of people there. He had actually been invited before but… he had always declined. They had never asked him anything, even though it was obvious that maybe he would be able to answer… they were secretive, he was trying to still establish good relationships…

“No. All my underlings would be mortified if they knew that you are The Black Brother! They actually respect you. Old Chu respects you more than he respects me!”

“They are afraid of me-” That was not new. “-and I feel uncomfortable staying together with them…” 

Zhao did not say anything about that. He probably did not believe it, and Shen Wei would be otherwise inclined to believe him but… he had seen how they acted around him. They only looked a little less tense when he was Shen Wei, but only because Zhao acted so calm, and cavalier about him. He was still... a man that had been able to win against them. He still knew that Yu Zhong was angry at him because Zhao paid more attention to him than her, and Zhao was definitely not interested neither in him nor on her. He… well… it was a bit difficult. 

He did not have a good relationship with anybody from the team. Maybe the lover boys would be happy to know that they could thank him for eternity, but… they would still keep him in a bit of a distance. Da Qing… well… maybe his amnesia made it all better, who knows? Maybe ignorance was bliss. Little Guo was sweet and naive and one of the reasons that he believed a little bit in humanity. He was relentless and fiercely loyal, and Old Chu seemed to like him, and he trusted his judgment. Though he did know a little bit more about his uncle, than about the guy.

“I am staying mostly here in Dragon City because of the Sacred Items.”

“So you have a bad experience here before?”

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

“So… I am the only person with whom you feel comfortable enough to share your secret since you so graciously confessed me your identity?”

Shen Wei realized that lately he really was always on the verge of saying something terribly true like… You are the only person with whom I would share my entire life…!

But he could not say that again. He still felt that he had to be walking on ice. That he had to be careful and cautious about everything he said. Not lying, but maybe … a lying omission. Maybe… a future promise to say the truth as he saw fit. He did not want for Zhao to suffer in the process.

It was weird and reassuring at the same time… despite centuries, years, months, days, hours, minutes, and seconds apart he could always trust Zhao. 

He had said it… just a few hours after the meeting. It seemed that they were linked…

Shen Wei could feel the knot tightening so fast against his heart that it barely left him enough space for him to act civil and kind of neutral. His heart could not stop saying that he proposed for him to join the SID was just a whiff like an actual marriage proposal… “for my sake”. For Zhao… he knew… oh, it was painful to know that he would do it.

At the meeting, he stayed mostly silent. That was still kind of his persona as Professor Shen Wei of bio-engineering. So… he stayed quiet, as this was technically also not his debriefing and he was still just a consultant and not a really formal part of the team. Minister Gao directed the conversation towards Zhao’s father and suddenly Shen Wei felt that his presence was important there. Not as a consultant, but as Zhao’s companion. He knew they did not have the greatest relationship, not only had he gleaned that from Zhao’s lack of mention of his father, and the fact that he knew more about his gun than of his father, not to mention his mother. But that Zhao’s constant empathy towards children with horrible childhoods like… well… Yhe Zhing… it really did seem that things had been tough and his attitude towards life as an adult was heavily influenced towards that: always focused, but trying to always be lighthearted, always being kind, always being cunning and knowing how to talk to people to get what he wanted, he was… a pleasing child a bit, but always sure of himself. His intellect shone through. Sometimes Shen Wei wondered if he had been bullied about that… if he maybe did not like bullies in general… still.

He stayed as a pillar by his side…, silent, not bothering him and filling him with questions. He thought of a way of maybe talking to his father, but he knew, as much as Zhao seemed to know, that talking to his father really was a lost cause. That man was as tough as a rock. Was a hundred layers of mystery, and resolve, and self-righteousness and confidence, and a bit of smugness. 

He knew… He just stayed there… As supportive as he could be. He wanted to hold his hand so bad, he didn’t for him to hurt himself trying not to scream in front of his superior. He could only be… polite and change the subject as quickly as possible, smiling and listening to the new threat. Thinking of ways to solve this problem. Wondering if he would have to use his power. If it would be too much and maybe using dark power could not even be a possibility. He knew nothing of technology, and thus nothing of what good use he could actually be. The man did not leave any sort of black energy thus… this was really a human mystery, more than an Underground mystery, and he could only be… smart and be there for Zhao to bounce ideas.

He was not secretly relieved by the possibility of him not actually and not that actively have to participate in this case. His expertise was elsewhere and he could skip for a bit this case. He could concentrate, let the University know for them to arrange his times a little bit better, and not have that many extra classes in between. Maybe leave some thesis for other teachers. Maybe not have that much tea.

By the end, still. Despite everything. Despite the anxiety and bad sleep. He knew. He knew that no matter what his place was beside Zhao Yunlang.


	10. New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zhao's perspective of the last chapter: meaning the proposal (totally not a love proposal) and the subsequent actions of that.
> 
> Both are just trying to build a new beginning of their already great relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry.  
> I got my hands injured and if I even looked at a computer my hands hurt. Here's an update though. Hope you enjoy it :3

#  New Beginnings 

Zhao Yunlan was so extremely happy, maybe the happiest he had ever been in a while. He knew it! He was right he had uncovered the mystery that was his friend! And now he could, at last, be at peace again. Not only had he been right about him being The Black Robe, but also he had been right about knowing that he was always compassionate! Even in his two forms. He had considered the possibility where he might have split personalities in each form, that maybe he was Professor Shen Wei of Bioengineering to do good deeds to feel better about how rule-driven was when he was THE Black Robe Envoy, basically a wrangler of “strays”. Instead, Shen Wei had always been the same… all those people that he had saved, all those people that he had helped, we're probably OK… he was always kind and just. He smiled at the thought of the image of The Black Robe Envoy they all had compared to the one he had.

To be fair, Zhao had gone through his own transformation, his own path. He had learned that Undergrounders were not so bad, they were not all so evil. 

It was not a matter of survival, to be killed or kill, it was a matter of people. As different as they were, they seem to have more similarities than differences. They had kids and hurt and dreams and they could all be manipulated and do things that they would never do. Maybe, he wondered, if he had been more open about his own questioning of his prejudices maybe Shen Wei would have trusted him earlier… though it was unlikely knowing him. He could understand a little bit of apprehension he knew that The Professor had always had; Shen Wei had always been a little bit cold with him, a little bit distant, there was always a bit of a distance between them, though Zhao had attributed it to Shen Wei’s incredible work ethic when it had turned out to be a little bit more than that since it was his whole identity. 

He knew that maybe the distance was caused because of the things he had learned when he was younger (Underground equals bad); maybe it had been because of who his father was and his father’s fame (he had been trigger happy at…times… that fame definitely had gotten to Shen Wei’s ears…The director of the SID had even faced those consequences of his father’s actions instead of his father, as always it seemed.); and maybe the way he had always or almost always with him… a little bit too flirty, a little bit too chummy, too comfortable... Zhao Yunlan hoped it was not that.

To be fair, he was mostly happy. He knew that Shen Wei could have kept lying, he could have kept his secret and put him in danger but, as it had always been, Zhao had never doubted that Shen Wei would ever do something else and even risk to put him in danger for a second. He knew, despite everything, that he could trust him the question was that if he could trust him.

He knew what he wanted to ask, he wasn't sure what answers he was going to get. He was hoping that he would get an affirmative about joining the SID with him. Still, he was a little bit afraid, just a bit, just enough, to make him doubt that he would join and be with him. Could he be enough? Could his friendship and companionship be … _enough_ ...? It certainly had not been enough for other people. It certainly was a truth, a fear, that he could not shed quickly enough, that was always PERVADING on the back of his mind. His mind stayed quiet for a bit. Well. It wasn't quiet per se. It was full of feeling, hurt.

Maybe someday he would explain to his father that the person that he trusted the most was not a human. But, that wasn't even important the important thing was that he could trust another person so implicitly, with all his heart, about everything and anything, without words, so terrifyingly not vulnerable because he knew, oh how much he knew, that the other person trusted him just as much. Maybe just a little bit misguided. But he wasn't going to tell his father that. It maybe was, he realized, that there was someone who knew him even more than words could express, with but just a little gesture, or the lack of it each other knew what the other was thinking and they completed each other’s thoughts and actions as if they were cosmically and spiritually linked. That connection did not make him afraid. It did make him question how quickly and easily Shen Wei had been able to know him. He knew that he had the feeling of knowing The Professor for a really long time… as if they had known each other before as if they had met each other before. And it wasn't something to be afraid of, because Zhao knew him as well. He knew that Shen Wei always wanted to swallow words with tea, that he had wanted to tell him the truth before and so many times before that one; that he had wanted for a really long time to tell him something but he didn't; he knew of almost all the small smiles that he had for him alone. Maybe not even Shen Wei could tell that he was smiling so much with him. Maybe Shen Wei actually knew… and he was filled with such joy that… he did not care. And almost finally, Zhao knew that sometimes Shen Wei was smiling even without no smile visible, that his anger was not that serious… and most importantly, Zhao knew that he could, from among all the people in the world, even maybe the Underworld, get away with more than most or from all if Shen Wei was present.

Maybe that was what bothered him. Knowing that there were all those things in place that made him think that he could tell that Shen Wei trusted him, and still did not trusted him enough to tell him the truth. It might be that he trusted him with endless abandon but… and yet… nothing… and everything at the same time. Still, he could feel him holding back, swallowing his words, not even being able to look at him when he asked him a question and demanded the truth. Zhao hoped that this would help, having Shen Wei close because then he would have all the time in the world… he would maybe have it almost all of the hours of the day, he had unwillingly and unknowingly signed his own “demise”. His charm would slowly erode away all those walls, all those barriers, well the whatever that was holding him back because, certainly, he trusted him.

He got to his apartment complex. He knew that Shen Wei was home, so he left his stuff inside his house and then excitedly tried to hide, at least, part of his excitement. The door was unlocked. That wasn't odd, if realistically Shen Wei was robbed, he could certainly use his power to defend himself. It wasn't as if he abused his power. (His mind ignored the time that he had defended him, dear reader, don’t worry). He was too giddy, too excited, he was ready to begin to trust him again fully, he had been ready for a while and had not liked that much… the lying, well, that wasn't true, he had enjoyed the lie, he had really enjoyed having, for the first time, the upper hand on him. 

Zhao looked around the house. He found The Professor in the kitchen, making him tea… probably to have an excuse not to talk again, at least the tea smelt a little bit good. He kept looking, closer, and more closely than he had done previous times and the last time that he was alone in the apartment. He had noticed before the clash between what he knew about him, and what and how his house was decorated. Some things were too new: the lights looked too modern, the style looked like a magazine. He did not doubt that Shen Wei could buy and decorate his own house but it seemed like the work of a professional decorator, the kind that convinces you that this was elegant and _à la mode_ , but he knew that the feeling of modernity was a lie: there was no TV, there was no music equipment. Actually, it seemed that there wasn't any technology there, not even a computer. Zhao wondered for a bit how he taught his students; if all those books that were in the old bookshelves were in reality just all those classes written in beautiful calligraphy and if the University allowed this because of his accomplishment and his title as a doctor. He knew that when he had interviewed several of his students and several of his academic companions, they had always said positive things about him, and they had a good word regarding him, sure, they had admitted he was a little bit strange. Nobody made fun of him, however, as much as Zhao had wanted to make fun of him. After all, Shen Wei knew how to work a landline, he knew how things and technology theoretically worked, however when faced with them he seemed as inexperienced as a hermit from a cave. Now Zhao had an explanation for it, at least part of it, there were not probably a lot of technological advancements in the Underworld, or maybe he had not been in Dragon City for a really long time; maybe he had only arrived with his doctorate and all, maybe he could control minds and convinced everybody of a past that he did not have in actuality (though doubtful, he was too smart and a bookworm to ever do that). He felt a little bit bad, he felt pity for him having to lie to everybody, never actually been that open with nobody, not even with the person that he seemed to trust the most. He was glad that he had gotten that confession, maybe this was also good for him. Maybe he could find a little bit of respite.

He sat on the sofa and waited. The Professor was too quiet. Zhao in turned reveled in the sensation of temporary superiority, he was not going to take advantage of him, absolutely not, Shen Wei would never agree to something that he did not want to do.

He laid the trap skillfully, and then put the proposal on the table for Shen Wei to take. He could feel the tension, he could hear Shen Wei’s alarm’s on his brain blaring, almost everything on The Professor’s body language said it wanted to run, but he did not and that was what was important.

By the end of the proposal, he felt even better than he had imagined he would. Sure, Zhao knew that Shen Wei was still holding back. But, there was still something there, something to build on, something ... Wonderful. 

He fell asleep quickly, and woke up for the first time in a long time, fully rested and calm. He knew still that Zhu Jui was out and about, but he was now out and about with a wound, so things were at least better. Probably team morale was high and the addition of Professor Shen Wei to the mix would certainly increase the SID’s chances to catch Zhu Jui. Honestly.... the sky felt like the limit. Shen Wei will slowly fall with his charm and he will stop holding back and the investigations will be easier and his life will be ever so much better. 

He went on with his day, traversing the new reality of the new relationship that Zhao and Shen Wei were building. It still felt awkward, but not horribly tensed, or even just tense. They were just building a new relationship. This was kind of how things should have started in a way awkward, not as smoothly as and as quickly as they had. Zhao Yunlan was no fool, people were not supposed to become so close so fast. He knew that things took time, took trust, took patience, understanding, and a little bit of affection. But sometimes, as before, as he looked into Shen Wei’s eyes, he saw such fondness that he could not help but reply with the same or a little bit close to the level of affection. Shen Wei looked at him as if he were the sun; as if he had just gotten out of the underworld and had just discovered the beauty of that star that was so big, so full of life. Would he look at him that way again? He was not sure that Shen Wei was aware that he looked at Zhao that way. Maybe if he knew, as he knew that his tell was his shifting of eyes, he would do something about it, he would look more irritated, more guarded… and well Zhao did not want that. But he was willing to act, well not act, go back to things as they had stayed before all this trouble had appeared. Before that trip to the mountains, before he had gained another member of the group; before he had been so close to the truth. He wanted to show him with all his might that he was telling the truth that he would leave everything behind if he joined the SID.

They had met him in the hallway, with a smile. He smiled, maybe with enough of the glow of riding on the wind of the win. They went to the meeting and he still smiled and still smiled. Only the smile faded when he heard about his father. Then it was all blank…hmmm, perhaps “blank” is not the word, but with so many memories strung together held together by pain and anger and resentment and hurt that flew so fast that they seemed only like searing light. He could feel his body tense up; the voice in the back of his head reminded him only to breathe because it knew that he could get lost in all those memories so far and so deep that he would drown in them. 

He did not know when Shen Wei changed the subject, his body still was tense, but was no longer “blank”. He did not think of the fact that he had, at last, another way to never think about that light for a little while… but that “while” did not last. He was still thinking as he heard the information… maybe he should call him, but that wasn't his responsibility. It wasn’t his fault that they were so estranged with each other, it wasn't his responsibility to mend the pain and the rift that was between them. It was his father’s. He had learned about lost causes, he had learned about impossible feats with him better than with the Under-grounders. He had not learned love, and trust and companionship with anybody but with another person that wasn’t his father… who was, probably, one of the most important figures in the whole world. He knew about disappointment with him that is why he appreciated his friendship with Shen Wei ever so more because it was as easy as he always thought relationships should be. It was almost as inherent to himself as his easy smile.

Still, even with the awkwardness, it still felt like the easiest relationship he had ever had that was also filled with very strong emotions. This relationship was not easy as just a one night stand or like a quick hook up at the bar, it was easy but with the kind of emotions that could break a person.

The meeting ended but they got a new invitation to dinner. Shen Wei remained as neutral as possible, maybe the quiet he had ever been. He did not expect to learn another unwilling confession of the truth, Guo had lied, he had not been appointed to the SID as he said, and he had certainly not invited him to join them as his Uncle stated. The dinner once again turned into a tense environment where none of the parties involved wanted to be there and were all reacting differently to the same piece of information. Zhao lied and he knew that Guo would know he was lying, so that would guarantee a little bit of good faith with the boy to get the truth at some point. But the discussion got a little bit more heated and was about to turn into a heavier argument and Shen Wei subtly intervened. The Professor really didn’t like conflict, it appears, and he is extremely good at breaking it. Zhao can tell how much he is a figure of power, a Professor that knows how to handle people. The argument once again turned into a discussion and Zhao saw his chance to leave with as much ceremony and pride as possible. He decided to get out of that dinner mostly to think more of their relationship, more than to avoid the conflict.

They got into the car but now they shared an easier silence, the kind that they are more used to sharing despite the fact that Zhao is once again tense. He keeps on thinking about Guo and Old Chu. Surely if Guo was a menace then Old Chu would sense it, he was good at that kind of thing. Surely if he had bad intentions, Old Chu would not be soft with him. Surely, he could trust the team on the fact that he was obviously growing as a person in their presence and he no longer was the boy that had entered the SID.

And when Shen Wei broke the silence with questions, things started feeling like a little bit normal again, because The Professor had, once again, kind of an upper hand on him because he knows Zhao too well. 

Of course, Shen Wei knew he had been thinking of Guo. His mind went back to his wonderings, mostly about the role of the youngest in the group... For now, it seems like it was a good influence on Old Chu. The group seemed more united for it, everybody around the same cost: protecting little old Guo. 

Things were starting to get a little bit more to normal when the professor mentioned his father. Zhao had never talked to Shen Wei about his father. To be fair he had never talked about him to anybody else. He was a bit grateful that he had saved him that awkward conversation, however, this was a very delicate subject. For a moment, Zhao was tempted to answer Shen Wei with a question about his person. But instead, he used the avoidance method that the professor had used. 

Things felt a little bit less tense, obviously, but Zhao felt a little bit more at ease knowing that they were still each other's safe spaces and they would maybe eventually tell each other more about the other. However, Shen Wei was probably not going to like the method he was going to use to introduce him to the others.

They went to headquarters where food and people were gathering. He could feel The Professor getting a little bit tense whenever another person joined around. The only person that seemed tensed about his presence, however, was Zhu Hong. 

It was obvious that The Professor was not having a good time. It seemed that his curiosity in the car had more to do with Zhao than with the team in general. At least the team seemed relaxed around the professor, it would most likely change if they knew the truth. 

Zhao sat more at ease, with victory still running through his veins, with the team morale as high as ever. He had used, possibly, the worst way possible to introduce him: with no tea to hide his fears, with the out of nowhere and warm announcement. It might have been a little bit of revenge for everything. 

The Professor stayed silent and barely moved all night. He did wait until Zhao brought him to their apartment complex, knowing that it was a logical thing to do. He did not torture him any longer, at least not the kind of torture that he obviously hated, so he decided just to bother him using another strategy. He started to flirt with him, shameless. The professor was not having any of it, he did not even seem to notice the fact that he was purposely flirting with him. Of course, said Zhao, he could justify his flirting with some teasing. Of course, The Professor did not want him that way. Of course, he himself did not want Shen Wei in that way. He gave the professor an open invitation to bother him or ask him if he needed or wanted anything. He put a very particular emphasis on  _needed_ and  _wanted_ . Zhao looked at him suggestively, as if inviting him to enter his house, but The Professor had already taken his keys and was basically inside his apartment. This was going to be fun though…!


	11. Old Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan grow ever closer to the point of maybe accidental domesticity.

#  Old Beginnings

Shen Wei did not know what it would mean for him to join the SID. He was expecting for it to mean that he would have to divulge a little bit more information about the Undergrounders, and he was expecting to be busier and seeing Zhao a little bit more often. He was hoping that they would renew their friendship, Zhao had promised so and he was a man of his word. But. Again. He did not know what it would mean for him to join the SID.

He did not go into much detail with the University, he just stopped accepting some other research projects and he cut a bit of the hours for receiving alumni with doubts. His students did not suggest sending him e-mails but he was sometimes accompanied/escorted around campus by students with doubts. He was busier than ever.

He did not regret anything.

He found Zhao on the hallway of the complex, sometimes, and he smiled and he couldn’t help but smiling and feeling warm inside by being able to say “hello” and “good morning” to him. The conflict they had had lasted for just a few days, just a few hours, but entirely too many hours if you asked any of them. The Professor was just happy that he could be polite to him and get one of those charming smiles from Zhao Yunlan. Sometimes their paths would intersect when they were both going towards the SID; sometimes they would meet in the door and Shen Wei would immediately let Zhao Yunlan enter first and he would feel tingly by the surprised smile that would appear on Yunlan’s face, or his wide smile… or his half-smile smirk or his… well. Any signs, even the lack of smiles and the immediate jump into action that Zhao had would make Shen Wei smile and he could forget any single problem, any inconvenience he had experienced; any late night that he would have to take in order to continue dividing himself between catching Undergrounders, gathering information as the Black Robe Envoy, being a consultant, being Shen Wei the Professor of Bio-engineering, and… the lightest role that he felt, being friends with Zhao Yunlan.

He could have never, in a thousand lifetimes, describe how happy he felt being with Yunlan. Being friends with him. Being close to him. Being a little bit more open to him. Being able to transform and sometimes fight by his side as The Black Robe Envoy. Being. Just. Being. Breathing the same air, sometimes being so close that they shared body heat and being the recipient of his smiles. He knew that sometimes he was prone to exaggeration and that if indeed the situation that he had described (which would be impossible and extremely difficult, he would probably never be able to do what he had silently promised to do when he saw Yunlan putting his arms on his shoulders and holding him closer and tighter to his body… )he would die a thousand times just to ever be this close to him, to know that he was there with every fiber of his being… Shen Wei was elated with happiness.

It took no more than a few days to get used to Zhao giving him rides whenever they went to the SID together. He grew accustomed to returning on the same car to their apartment complex. At first, the rides were filled with their fair share of awkward silence, and some chit chat about some of the discoveries they had tried to do regarding catching Zhu Juing. At first, they both stayed silent growing every accustomed to the silence and then feeling comfortable with it. Zhao grew more confident singing and tapping away the songs on the radio or in his head. Shen Wei could gather that most of the songs were pretty cheery and some he knew he might have heard twenty years ago. Shen Wei sometimes kept in his heart those little pieces of music, but mostly he loved the ones where he caught Zhao humming some acoustic piece that he later realized it was mostly violin. To be honest, Shen Wei absolutely did not like cars, he hated a bit too much Zhao riding a motor-bike (he did not hate the being on a bike and dressed in leather… and lounging… and just exuding charm all around that even people looked twice in his direction… but he would never in his life dare to ride that thing!); however, he felt safe when Zhao was driving. It made sense, of course, he trusted Zhao with his life soul and heart. He only trusted taxi drivers because he had to, but, he did not mind walking everywhere. He found that walking made himself feel more at ease in the City. There was no sort of horses or carriages or man-taxis on the Underground. He liked walking, he was used to walking. He loved walking more if Zhao was next to him, following his pace, and their steps would synchronize, and their breathing would match up, and Shen Wei would wonder sometimes, just for a second, if their hearts would be beating at the same tempo… but he always stopped wondering because he just knew that was true.

They would go anywhere and nowhere. Zhao mostly loved “eating” which in reality almost always meant drinking. Still, he was eating better and more frequently thanks to Shen Wei who at first enticed him with food he knew he would love and would “steal” from Shen Wei but in reality was just following Shen Wei’s “evil plans”. 

“I swear,” Zhao would say sometimes, “you do this on purpose.”

Shen Wei would just smile cryptically and act all innocent and Zhao would just keep eating.

“You said I could pick the place,” Shen Wei would say when in reality both knew that he was also saying “you know I am doing this on purpose.”

Shen Wei would once again catalog all of Zhao’s favorite foods, he really would go to that task, but the man just kept eating whatever that was near; it was a bit difficult to even discern. He did seem to have a sweet tooth above all, but he would eat fire if somebody dared him to. It was obvious the man really liked eating, and sometimes he did it in excess, and that is why he was not only bones by this point, and that made Shen Wei wonder and get worried but eventually, Zhao would start sharing meals with him and since the portions were “oh so limited, are you trying to starve me Shen Wei?” as his eyes said, he would eat a little bit more controlled like. It was easy to do that since Shen Wei was spending more and more time on Zhao’s apartment. The Professor took a bit to understand that the flirt that was meant to not be a tease, his brain barely processed it as a flirtation because he could not get his hopes up, Zhao would absolutely flirt with a tree if that helped him get anywhere. The first few times he would knock or he would stay a second too long on the door whenever they came back from the SID and Zhao would invite him inside. He had been there once. And then twice. And then ten times. And then there was no need for counting because it turned into part of his life. He at first cooked some lunch for him and he would give it to him in a little box. Zhao would absolutely go all vocal on the outside about how much he was spoiling him and that next he would ask for some decoration on his food and a kiss on the cheek for a good day at work. Later, he just would do breakfast for Zhao when his classes started late and Zhao, being the chief, “could afford himself getting there a bit late, they can handle themselves…! And you are making some good food!!”. Then… came the dinners and the long nights where they were just talking, or discussing minor cases, or in silence as he looked over student’s work, and Zhao was reading up and doing some paperwork. And Shen Wei would give up entire lives for this. For looking up and Zhao meeting his eyes and both of them instinctively smiling.

Zhao would sometimes say jokingly when it was late and Shen Wei knew that Zhao’s tongue was loose and maybe if pressed enough would say the government's secrets if Shen Wei would stay the night. They would remain very quiet and Shen Wei would get up hiding his smile and his flustered cheeks from Zhao’s eyes and would head home without another word. He knew he could not get his hopes up and Zhao would flirt with him in a room full of people just to prank him so he could not be trusted!

Still. After some of those late nights, Zhao had been very closed to offering himself to give some rides to the University, but Shen Wei always refused, the school was so far away and Zhao Yunlan was a busy man. The director of the SID would then almost flaunt his status as his "technically" boss and tell him “the company could manage”, but Shen Wei refused. Still. They knew. 

They both knew because their silent talks and conversations were becoming increasingly common and a normal occurrence. Sometimes both of them would just stare at each other for less than a minute and would head towards the same place, follow the silent and unspoken directions, and would just… never mention that technically they had not spoken all afternoon but they…  _knew._ They went through their days knowing what the other would do, not as if they could read each other's mind, but because they had this weird intrinsic knowledge about the other person that they could predict what their next move was. It was not fail-proof, of course, and sometimes Zhao would do something just to annoy Shen Wei. but they could reach others pretty well, especially when Kun… 

No need to spoil that fun, that happiness, Shen Wei would tell himself that sometimes. He had him, be it as a friend or near, he had him. He hadn’t meant getting so involved in his life, at least not the rational part of him, but he had him.

The knot that bound them together was now extremely obvious to both of them, though none said anything about it. And when Zhao looked at him, surprised to see him again, and Shen Wei could read in his expression as he was saying: “What a surprise to see you here? How is it that we keep just bumping into each other?” with a playful smirk Shen Wei would just try to convey that he truly did not know, and Shen Wei wanted to say with a sincere smile that it was all just a coincidence, but Zhao would huff and Shen Wei just wanted to see him smile still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Discussion of some eating habits/bit of disorders. Be warned.
> 
> Also I hope you have been liking this :3 
> 
> I am having a lot of good times with it.


	12. Uncharted Territory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two boys continue their domesticity as one tries his best to try to kiss the other and the sane one tries for the other not to kill himself.
> 
> What could go wrong!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot more talk in detail about a lot of eating habits including a lot of fasting and overeating. A bit of smoking. A bit of emotional parental abuse.
> 
> Also, I have already begun to write the next chapter because I was so excited about this one!!!
> 
> And!!   
> I have another idea for the next fic that I will do. I might to them simultaneously, but who knows.
> 
> If you want a bit more updates or personal stuff I had made a tumblr
> 
> https://mesmerizedbywords.tumblr.com/

#  Uncharted Territory

Shen Wei remained a mystery.

Uncharted Territory.

A beautiful vault filled with treasures and secrets.

Sure… they had been talking more and Shen Wei seemed more open to Zhao, but…. really…just thinking of what else he was guarding so tightly made Zhao curious. 

Shen Wei had not answered any of the questions that he refused to answer when he had proposed…. (not with a ring or anything, I don’t know what you are saying Da Ching, it’s really not as serious as you make it look) to join the SID.

He had offered —willingly!— information about the Undergrounders.

He went to the SID and was punctual.

He offered advice concerning how to stake Cong Bo.

He gifted Zhao his smiles so freely and without realizing he was doing it.

He uhmm…

Oh… right… Zhao was supposed to be a bit dissatisfied with the fact that Shen Wei continued to be secretive… right…

It was difficult being angry at the man that fed you, he could see how Da Ching still tolerated him sometimes… The Professor just came by and prepared these dishes that were definitely not in cooking books and Zhao found it difficult to think of The Black Robe Envoy having a grandma that taught him how to cook. Shen Wei got into the kitchen and prepared these dishes that even tasted of nostalgia, that tasted like thousand of years of history in a bite. And Zhao really could not be mad at that. It was good eating again and better if the food was from Shen Wei’s memory dishes. He really did not realize that his life actually improved when he ate, weird huh?! He was one of them “lucky” people who actually lost appetite when he used to smoked. He smoked so often that he had convinced himself, lied to himself, not to think about the fact that maybe his headache was actually from withdrawal not from lack of fucking sustenance; and that eating was not a thing that he did much anymore. The pains that he had whenever his body begged and yelled at him to disagree were so infrequent and, in itself, lasted so few hours that when they ended in the morning and it felt more like a bad dream he had instead of like three hours of his life of unending pain, well… he forgot about those yells for help and continued not eating. Of course… when he stopped smoking, even second-hand smoking, he had no time frame reference any more of when he should eat or the habit of doing so. So the cigarettes went away, but the pains stayed. 

He had confessed at some point to Shen Wei about the fact that he truly did not know anymore when he was supposed to eat. It had been one time that The Professor was making him lunch and he realized that of course lunch existed and that it was not meant to be taken so late it could be considered dinner. He only left his confession to a plane of ignorance, he did not delve a lot into the fact that these past few lunches were the only recent ones he had had since he had begun smoking and well…. he did not even know when he had started actually smoking. Shen Wei did not react at all to the confession, he just gave him one of them small smiles, as if he knew something about it already, and said offhandedly:

“I’ll just prepare lunch for you every day, then.”

And every day was a really long time. However, since that day, Zhao had something to eat for lunch, be it that they ate it together or he ate it alone after Shen Wei called the office to make sure he did eat it; sometimes, when he was out, and he had not brought the little lunch box, Shen Wei would just go with him for a late lunch and eat together. The Professor did not falter once. He was punctual and Zhao grew to recognize the signs of hunger again, the signs of when he was full, the signs of when there was still food on the plate but he… could just leave it… there… for the trash… and not feel like an asshole and incompetent idiot as Shen Wei had assured him. He grew to love food even more. It was not as if he did not relish on the food that he had eaten before Shen Wei had appointed himself as his diet guardian but… well................ it was just…, he later realized, the excess of it… 

No matter.

He was no longer a child anymore.

He could waste food.

He was not actually killing children in whatever country or fucking continent his father kept repeating (it was a different country every time as if he, a seven-year-old, could really influence so much in places so far away from his house).

He… 

Well…

He had had his father closer to his chest than he was comfortable admitting.

He really probably should stop thinking about him unless he wanted to invoke him to his life once again.

He had wondered, to be fair, if the hacker could perhaps look information about his father before he handed him back to the proper authorities… he wondered if that prodding would go unnoticed to his father’s ever-watchful eye… he wondered… if he could get the answers that he would never get from his own father!…. he… he wondered… if it would be too sad for him to do so…

Without meaning to he started humming one of those songs that had calmed him and kept him company when he was younger. He did it without noticing sometimes, his mind just went to it. At least it was that and not like… carols or anything.

“Zhao… I was wondering…” Shen Wei looked at him intently and Zhao was irresponsible and looked away from the road when he should not have but the man’s voice had startled him and brought him to the present. Yes. They were in a moving car, that he was driving. “… when did you start to learn to play the violin?”

Zhao froze a bit.

For a second he forgot that he had actually played the violin in front of Shen Wei pretending to be Xiao. Shen Wei could not actually read minds. Shen Wei did not know anything about those days when he wished the music that enveloped him all round was actually hugging him tightly. He felt the music entering his body and replacing his blood with harmony, why couldn’t the music just have a body to hold him close… at least it helped with the loneliness…

“You normally do not ask me that kind of personal questions, Professor,” Zhao said trying his best for his tone to sound light and not strained. “what happened? Weren’t you supposed to already know everything about me? Isn’t the ‘always’ I feel that has passed spans more than three years?” yep, nope. That sounded more defensive than he had wanted.

Shen Wei had an easy smile on his face.

“I’m just wondering. You played beautifully. I assume you still practice though I have not had the privilege to hear you again at home,” said Shen Wei acting as if he had not deflected another question.

“I’m not going to answer that,” Zhao almost snarled. Fair, he should not have snapped at Shen Wei, but even thinking of his father made him mad.

“Well, can I know the song you like best?” 

The question seemed more innocent than the other one.

It was thankfully after lunch when he received the blackmailing email from the hacker. He was sure if it had arrived earlier he would have lost all appetite and then he would have to explain to Shen Wei that not only were they being blackmailed about his identity as The Black Robe Envoy, but that he had not eaten his lunch today.

He spent the rest of the afternoon distracted thinking of how he was going to approach the situation. It was ultimately his fault. He has put the camera there. Shen Wei, with his seeming allergy to technology, was, ironically, somewhat impervious to the hacker’s attempts to blackmail him. The Professor literally had nothing damning against him online because he literally did not have any data on the cloud and the data that was there was not horrible since it mostly just said that he was a professor and really you could not get arrested for being a professor.

How was he going to say this? Oh yes, I came to such extremes to try to expose you that I put a secret camera in something unsuspecting that you have still kept on your office where you are and you see every day and why, oh, why have you kept that, huh?!!? why are you so sentimental about it?!? It’s not like you like me, huh?!?!?!

I mean…

Shen Wei… yes… mmm… I… well…

When he arrived home, he called Shen Wei over. He did not say anything the whole time. Shen Wei, sensing his awkwardness stood in the middle of his apartment not knowing exactly what to do. Oh by all the love in the world!

“Would you please take a seat?” he asked pointing at his sofa.

Shen Wei took a careful sit as if the place was rigged with bombs. Zhao felt like a bomb in this situation.

“I got an email. The hacker got into a video recording stream of a camera I put on the gift I sent you some months ago. H-he… knows that you have dark powers.”

Shen Wei stayed quiet… for a really long time.

He lowered his eyes in shame but Zhao did not get to see it because he was looking down. It was a bit weird seeing Shen Wei without his glasses… it really did give him a different kind of air. Now the air that it was giving him was of deep guilt and solemnity which Zhao could not bear.

The Professor was the first to talk.

“I must apologize. If only I knew anything about technology, this is really a big oversight by me and—”

“—it was my fault!”

“We really need to solve this as quickly as possible. We cannot have two enemies attacking us from two different fronts.”

“Isn’t such luck then that I have managed to conduct a plan with the help of Ling Jing that, if executed perfectly, could, in fact, help us with our other problem!”

Shen Wei reacted the way that he was expecting. He also silently looked at him and said without words  _What is it then? What will happen?_ Even when he himself did not know anything about technology. The plan was certainly in the better and more technologically savvy hands of Zhao Yunlan.

They celebrated again back at Zhao’s apartment mostly because Zhao wanted a congratulatory drink, which Shen Wei ultimately stopped him from drinking because of a look that said  _you’ve been drinking a little bit too much, friend._ Zhao listened not without complaining a bit. He had mostly asked also for a drink to have a bit of liquid courage to ask the question that he wanted to ask:

“You know, Brother Black, I have never asked you what is your ability. You are seemingly omnipotent, every Undergrounder has some semblance of respect for you. You can teleport and fight and…” Zhao said feigning that he was doing a casual question, it wasn’t as if this question had plagued him for days, or years, or that he was afraid that maybe Shen Wei would retreat again to silence. 

Surprisingly, The Professor answered:

“Only one. Learning.” 

_OH MY! I do really like a fucking nerd, don’t I?_

“Though,” Shen Wei continued “I’m not omnipotent as you say I am. I am mostly able to unleash some of my power here, but I can assure you, I can be overpowered.”

But as Shen Wei was trying to be humble and explain, in great detail!, about his ability, Zhao could only think that in reality, he really was as powerful as he had always believed he was, but that, somehow, for some reason, THE Black Robe Envoy had no airs of grandeur and was kind to him and… a friend! Zhao was so lost in his own series of almost devolving to lust thoughts that he did not notice Shen Wei’s change of expression. His fingers move involuntarily towards his lips, flesh again softer flesh, but still, producing wild wonderings.

“You know I think I need some repayment….for my intelligence, and my strategies that protected your secret” 

He went over the fact that if it weren’t for him the secrets would not be in trouble in the first place. Zhao used Shen Wei’s guilt over him for this ruse. 

“I think the fairest payment would be…”

He stopped for a second not because he did not know what he wanted. 

He had gotten closer to Shen Wei, they were so close that he could feel his breathing near his neck. Surely the other man could also feel Zhao’s own ragged breathing.

_A kiss_ . He wanted to say.

_I want a kiss. Just one kiss._

Shen Wei was definitely not reacting to this closeness. He stayed poised and prim. He had seen him a little bit undone when Zhao was close, he was not stupid, but somehow this was not working. Nothing had been working lately. He had tried all his best moves and exuded all the charm he wanted, but nothing came of it. He wasn’t even sure what he wanted until that moment. He had been wanting a kiss. 

Just one.

He didn’t ask for more.

Maybe that would be enough.

Maybe that would help him figure out what exactly he wanted.

But.

Maybe…

One would not be enough.

Maybe he would have to stay glued to his lips for eternity because he had only asked for  _one_ kiss.

And…

“—Help me clean the apartment. I know you are too polite to mention it, but I know you hate it as well. Come on, go on.” he pointed at one point over Shen Wei’s shoulder, trying to justify why he had gotten so close to Shen Wei that he could taste his very light personal musk from him.

Shen Wei seemed to believe the lie. Zhao separated from him and he watched as Shen Wei took one last sip of his water… the measured movements, the intention behind them, the determination in his eyes, the strength on his body… oh man, he was in deep if he was already in love with the way a man just plainly drank water.

Shen Wei got up and the only thing that Zhao had to do was sit tight and observe Shen Wei all he wanted, pretending he was supervising. The apartment was not really that messed up, so Shen Wei ran quickly out of stuff to clean and put in their right place. Zhao was not thinking that in such a short amount of time Shen Wei had familiarized enough with the space that he knew where things  _should_ be. He did not wonder why Shen Wei was also in part avoiding his gaze and why he kinda quickly ran away from the situation as soon as there was no other excuse. Zhao did not do this because he wondered what other ways he could think of to ask the man for a kiss.

Of course, those wonderings were insufferable for Zhao’s mind so, again, of course, his mind went to a seemingly just as an insufferable place, where he thought that he could at least do something: the relics.

He spent most of the next morning trying to think of the relics, and the effect that him touching it caused. He really could not explain anything about why he caused them to react. The previous girl that had been able to use them was also a mystery and now very far away from them. But the relics were near, near enough to Zhao to make him wonder and wonder AND wonder. He could not hear them calling, but he knew that… they were linked, somehow, someway.

These musings were preferable to thinking that maybe if he asked for a kiss… he would not get it. The man continued to ignore his best moves, his best lines, his best smiles. Could he really not feel how close he wanted to be with him?

And the relics were just some steps away from him. He just… needed to lift the glass…, nobody was near… he… was ….

NOPE!

The strength from Shen Wei actually hurt on his hand when The Professor stopped him. For just a fraction of a second he wondered how much of the actual power he hid, and if the power he displayed here was limited as he said, which one would be the actual amount. His face expressed surprise, a bit of hurt, and when he saw Shen Wei, he tried to be sheepish and laugh to break the immediate tension that had been created and to try to soften what Shen Wei would say next.

His friend was NOT amused.

He was angrier than he had previously been with him regarding the relics. Maybe now he could be more open to his anger now that he could be angry with him as The Black Robe Envoy and Shen Wei without compromising a secret. 

Still, Zhao tried to diffuse the situation.

“You really lied to me, you are all-knowing. Nothing can be hidden from you!”  _You were able to read my mind and then know that I would do something this stupid!! Why can’t you know that I want you!!_

His train of thought was interrupted by Shen Wei’s tone of voice. It was even a bit disappointing, and Zhao did notice the concern and anxiousness in it.

“Why must I always worry about you?” he asked with more force, not caring who heard him yell at THE director of the place where they were. “I have said this many times before, do not touch the Sacred Items, or else—”

“—dark energy will corrode my beautiful, beautiful body!” Zhao continued annoyed. He continued not looking at Shen Wei mostly not to see his angry face, but also because he would maybe get more anger if Shen Wei noticed that he was actually annoyed, maybe too frustrated.

However, when he did look at him, Shen Wei changed tactics immediately. Maybe because he was a professor and knew that this tactic was obviously not working, the constant repeating. Maybe it was because he could not stay mad at him. Maybe it was because Shen Wei knew that Zhao would keep being stubborn until he was told information that Shen Wei was not willing to share ever.

Zhao observed as the man sat in front of him, he did not look defeated, but calmer, still angry and worried.

“If you can even quote what I will say next, why do you insist on doing it? Zhao Yunlan, aren’t you aware of how precious your life is?”

“That can be true and also the fact that Zhu Jiu has a powerful dark force behind him. We have the fate of the  _entire_ world. And now, only  _I_ can activate the Sacred Items. We need a way to activate them to locate the other ones!”

At least Shen Wei did not look that angry anymore, just stern. Zhao could see thoughts racing through his head, he thought for a second that he might agree but instead, he said:

“We have  _two_ of the Items with us. Zhu Jui will try to get the other two. We have other options besides you endangering yourself to the point of corruption. We can lure the other manipulator out and capture  _all_ of them when they are going for the Items.”

Zhao hated for a bit how much that made sense. Of course, he knew that Shen Wei was smart, he just did not know how smart he was actually strategizing and making battle plans. Who was he exactly as The Black Robe Envoy? He also decided that, if he really was telling the truth and could not read minds, he could just pretend he would never do that again (you know, like last time) and The Professor would believe his puppy eyes.

“Makes sense! Let’s get a late-night supper then. My treat.”

Which of course, meant drinking.

“Let me be clear., Shen Wei said stopping Zhao on his tracks. The man got to experience again the strength of the professor and he was again surprised. “I do not drink.”

_Well, of course._

“Not drinking then! It will be good as well because we both need to welcome a guest tomorrow.”

“Who?”

He gave one of his most charming smiles as an answer.

When they came back to their apartment complex, they came up the stairs really close to each other. There really was no excuse for the fact that he was leaning on Shen Wei so much. Maybe the only acceptable response was that he wanted to feel his body heat and his build next to him. He wanted to test if he could actually carry Zhao. He had had a dream that once that had happened. But it had been paired with a nightmare so who knew. 

“You know… you keep repeating that my life is really important but how could you possibly know that? Does it come from the fact that you seem to know me since forever? or is it a—”

He stopped because he suddenly felt Shen Wei closer than he had ever felt him before. Sure… they were always extremely close, bound to the hip, they constantly shared body heat and Zhao had never been chili in the past few days.

This was closer though.

Way

Way

WAYcloser

And Shen Wei was looking at him through his glasses and even though Zhao’s breathing was steaming up a little bit of the glasses, he could still feel Shen Wei’s steely eye.

He was observing him. Waiting. For once he could not read Shen Wei’s internal dialogue with him. Maybe the message was too clear.

Hewassoclose.

Tooclosetobreathe.

Tooclosetothink.

Toocloseforanythingut…


	13. Back again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi.
> 
> I might take a bit more time updating for the next chapter since I want to focus on another fic idea that kinda needs to take shape like right now.
> 
> If you would be interested in a penpals fic involving these two sweet bois, follow me on tumblr to get updates when I upload the first chapter!
> 
> I kinda already have a very vague outline of the whole thing!
> 
> https://mesmerizedbywords.tumblr.com/post/622187823421915136/i-am-now-thinking-of-a-weilan-fic-that-involves

#  Back again

Shen Wei kissed him.

He kissed the man desperately. With too much force behind it, but somehow careful enough not to clatter their teeth together. Though Forceful enough to feel how he had accidentally knocked all the air from Zhao’s lungs.

He…  _kissed_ him.

And it was infinitely better than he had imagined how it would be. 

He kissed him as he had always liked to be kissed. 

This was not going to be like their actual first kiss, though it was dear to him. The man who kissed him had been too worried about removing his mask, and also almost killing him that he had almost poked his eye out. Their lips had moved too fast and then they had quickly felt into synch. 

Now. He heard Zhao catch his breath on his mouth. He felt the man kiss him back as soon as he had air on his lungs just to spend them again trying to hold a bit of a surprised moan. Shen Wei kissed him a bit harder and he received almost the same energy from Zhao.

Zhao’s body kept going down on towards the cushions of the sofa. He was surrendering more and more to the kiss. To the force that was Shen Wei’s repressed desires. The Professor’s hands traced first his light stubble, then his now short hair; they went quickly to his neck finally ending on his chest, pushing him down against the sofa cushions.

Yes. 

This was absolutely better.

He could now feel his heartbeat beating against his own. He could now pin him down. He could now never let him go until the light of the universe died.

Zhao being regular old Zhao put the other man in between his legs, to get him closer to a specific point in his body. The Professor accepted the offer and the kiss now turned a little bit heavier than before. He could feel Zhao’s fingers going towards his own back. He could taste the alcohol on his lips and he wondered if that would be enough to make him drunk… but he was already high on the kiss.

He could feel Zhao moving intently under him. That had not changed. He wondered if the man still liked being softly kissed and then ravaged in the neck. For response, he received an enthusiastic moan and then the man’s back arching under him to get closer even if they were already as close as they could be in this position.

Shen Wei… kissed the man again trying to capture the ragged breathing that he was causing with his hands and hips. He opened his eyes for the first time and he was now able to watch Zhao, beautifully flustered, his eyes closed involuntarily, his hair tussled and… the scent of alcohol in him and…

Oh no, no, no, no.

He separated from Zhao suddenly. The inspector looked at him confused and angry. Shen Wei quickly got up and looked elsewhere instead of the open invitation that was Zhao.

“I—I—I…!”

“You kissed me!”

“This is too fast. I’m so sorry. I’m moving too fast. I’m extremely sorry.”

“No! But!!!”

He knew he looked panicked, as panicked as he could be if instead of Zhao kissing him back he had said something like: Yeah no, back off, I will never be interested in you. He knew that this really did not make sense at all to Zhao, but it was really important for Shen Wei. He had kept his distance for a reason, he really could not expect for Zhao Yunlan to resume a relationship that was not even technically his. Everything he did could be teetering into manipulation and getting whatever he wanted even if Zhao was enthusiastically consenting. He did not want to get advantage of him, of knowing already that he liked to be kissed on the neck and that he didn’t like to hold hands at every moment but to keep his body close, that he laugh a lot if his eyelashes touched his stomach and that he could make him promise anything if he just kissed lightly his inner thigh for ten seconds without moving an inch. The knowledge he had was too much. He had been learning Zhao Yunlan… not…well… he probably had gotten lucky at the neck thing. He—he—he…!

“I have to go. I can’t—”

He darted towards the door, he quickly got the knob and when he was about to open it he heard:

“No! Please, don’t go!”

That turned him a statue instantly.

He almost did not dare to look back. Surely Zhao had not changed position. He knew that his body had not forgotten the sight of an almost broken down by lust Zhao. He did look back at the end. The inspector  _had_ changed his position and was now on the edge of the sofa… his shirt unbuttoned, his hair tussled, his lips a bit swollen, his breathing…

“I want to be able to kiss you again. Will you kiss me again after this?”

“Yes…! Of course” he could feel his own desperation bleeding through his words. He had heard a similar tone on Zhao… he resisted the urge to just come back and kiss him again.

He relaxed a bit now.. In his haste and panic he had forgotten to assure his sweet Zhao that he desired him more than he could ever express in words. He turned around and face Zhao. The inspector took a tentative step towards him.

“I’m sorry. I got carried away,” his lips said when in the meantime Zhao could read  _I want to stay, I want you so much._

“See you tomorrow for breakfast, then? We do have to go to the SID together, if you want.”

“I—yes? yes! breakfast, of course.”

And then he closed the door.

He tried his mightiest not to slam the door of his own apartment in order to spare Zhao’s feelings. He did not want for Zhao to consider for a second that he this pained him and he wanted nothing but come back and kiss him the whole night long.

He stood in his apartment trying to get all the air in between those four walls and then from the apartment complex, and then the entire square and he was only satisfied when he took the air from all of Dragon City to try to focus himself in this moment.

Did his lips felt suddenly colder? Were they always this way? Had they only now gained enough heat for them to feel alive again? Was his heart beating for the first time in his life, yet again?

He had to actually lock himself inside his own apartment, though he recognize that they would do no good against having been able to kiss those lips again. Still, he continued with the charade. He got himself into the kitchen and without thinking about it he made himself a tea. His hands moved without him meaning to move them, he heated the water and got the herbs inside the tea pot. He did not even know what type of tea he was even preparing. It wasn’t until he tasted the tea and the tea hit his tongue that he realized several things: one, that the tea was incredibly strong and that it may have soured a bit in the process; second, that this used to be one of the teas that he shared with him a million years ago; third, that no matter which tea, which concotion he brewed, nothing could fill with such warm his whole body like being close to Zhao again.

He stole a glance to the door that he had just crossed.

It would take him nothing to cross it again.

He did not even need it, he could just appear in that living room again.

He could always be a second away from kissing him again.

Just one single second.

He knew exactly how many seconds he had not been able to do this.

He made himself but his lips around the rim of his cup. It was warm. Too warm. Too sour. But it heated his lips. It took out the taste of Zhao’s breath from his mouth. It gave him something to do.

He glanced at his library.

Maybe he could read one of the texts that maybe Zhao would say were “raunchy”. They were not that at all. They were just old stories of love. Old gestures of devotion. Old declarations of deep feeling. He knew that he would do all of them. He would tend to him in sickness and in health. He knew that he would be there for him in luck and desperate times. He knew… he… could wait. Just a little longer.

Be a few hours away from kissing was way better than thousands of years away.

He changed his clothes and laid on his bed without knowing what else to do but look at his ceiling. Maybe if he just waited it out enough time would rush. Time would just pass, between his fingers. 

Time did not rush.

He could count the seconds with his breathing.

Still he laid stubbornly.

He ended up falling asleep, not easily, though he rested somewhat enough.

He…

Well… he dreamt… of him.

The softness of his long hair.

His powerful laugh.

His mischevious grin.

The look in his eyes when he wanted to get away with something.

And.

It was actually Zhao for the very first time.

In his leather jacket.

His boots.

His father’s gun.

That damn motorbike.

His satisfied look after eating.

That peaceful silence.

And…

He woke up.

He dressed.

It was morning.

He went out of his apartment and met Zhao on the hallway. It looked like the other man had been expecting him.

For the first time they actually were not in synch. It was just for a fraction of a second. Shen Wei knew that they had to head to the SID to get to the “mystery person” and Zhao was there. Standing. Shen Wei did not know what to do until Zhao gave him half of a shy smile. 

Shen Wei approached him fast as the night before.

Zhao did not lose his breath this time, he was waiting for this.

Shen Wei kissed him…

He was not as forceful this time. There wasn’t any of the build up tension. There wasn’t any bit of anger mixed with worry hiding below it.

This one was a bit more sweet. A good old “pick me up”.

This kiss was like kissing the sunshine that was Zhao’s smile.

By the end of it they were still entangled but not so close that they wanted to become one in a second. Having enough awkwardness in between them to keep a bit more distance since they both knew they had things to do today of all days.

Zhao looked up at him and his eyes were the sun itself. His hair was a bit tussled but he could maybe fix it again. Shen Wei’s glasses were a bit fogged up, but it wasn’t as if he needed them anyway. Zhao smiled at him and Shen Wei couldn't help but let a happy sigh as he distanced himself again from him.

Well. 

“Come on. We will be late.”


	14. The other side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zhao Yunlan goes to the Undeground.
> 
> He discovers more about Shen Wei than he thought he would

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!
> 
> I swear I will not leave this fic incomplete, I think I am actually incapable of doing that!
> 
> I have been thinking about it and might make it smaller but you know, it was mostly just me imagining shit as the series progressed.
> 
> I still really like this one. This one is my baby and I love it.
> 
> Also!  
> If you like this, and have stuck with me as the fucking style improves, you might like my other pen pal fic! Dear Stranger, I love you! https://archiveofourown.org/works/25413577/chapters/61631713

# 

Zhao Yunlan woke up that day knowing that everything had changed and that he had maybe been waiting for this longer than he realized.

He knew they were going to meet another person from the Underground, a Regent? He thought of what he would wear and what piece of clothing would say about him now. Shen Wei could now never deny that he had been at some point checking out Zhao, nobody that kissed him like that could ever say without sounding like an immediate liar that he did not think of the other person’s body or at least thought of touching it!

He could not understand why he thought they might be going too fast when he felt that from here they could go from 0 to a million for all that was worth! Even more, considering Shen Wei’s  _ enthusiasm _ .

But still.

Now they had forever for both of them.

At least that is what it felt like.

He felt he could do nothing wrong.

Both of them together were...…unstoppable!

At least that is what he thought since Shen Wei kissed him as soon as he was out. he added a few thousand more millennia after that kiss. That was until his confidence faltered when they encountered the Regent. Not only had he basically revealed The Black Robe identity, but he had also basically or might have committed treason!

He was not sure. He could only be as accomodating and tried to remind Shen Wei of their ultimate goal. He did not think of how much Shen Wei trusted him, because he already knew that. He did not think that he might be able to calm down one of the most important beings on the Underground. He just tried to keep calm and keep his charisma up. He did not want to fuck this up.

When all was decided that he was going to the Underground  _ with  _ Shen Wei, he could not hide his own excitement!

He was meeting the place!

How many humans had actually had the pleasure!

In how many years!

One moment he was there, the other he was not.

He was not able to hide his surprise and amazement about everything around him. Extremely long and tall ceilings that made him feel smaller and it was as if the building itself was trying itself to get to the surface. Everything was dark and since nobody seemed to say anything about it, he realized that yes… of course, there was no sun… no sky here. His curiosity pushed through the feeling of being buried alive even if he wasn’t. Everything seemed to shine its dark light, the details of everything around him made Shen Wei’s cloak look austere. Unlike the other underground, Shen Wei carried the same energy that this place exuded, bit more regal, less flashy. His aura was intimidating, yes, but because it demanded respect; everywhere else in here begged and succeeded in being fear-inducing. But Zhao continued looking absorbing everything. Only one thing stopped him from actually keep looking.

“We do not accept outsiders,” said bitingly a man that had suddenly appeared from Zhao’s perspective as distracted as he was from looking around. “Please remove your assistant.”

And when Shen Wei moved closer towards the other Dixing, Zhao actually started to worry a bit. He knew that Shen Wei was protective of him, but to the point to actually get himself into trouble!? With his fellows and his peers?!

“He is not my assistant, he is my friend.”

Zhao would probably never understand how much that simple statement meant, but he felt the tension rise even more. He was friends with a human. He was willing to protect the human. He was willing to trust the human. He was willing to… kiss the human… though they did not know that.

“We have rules here. Rules we cannot break even for you.”

Shen Wei’s silence was clear. They were going to do just that. It had been a bit since he had actually seen Shen Wei in the role of The Black Robe Envoy and he noticed that his total lack of proper respect and his easy attitude towards him could actually be considered a severe insult here. Maybe The Black Robe Envoy would never actually admit he had friends, but this was Shen Wei talking, and Zhao knew enough about him to be able to glean that this was not a fight worth fighting for.

“It’s okay.  _ It’s okay _ ,” he put his arm on his shoulder as if they were actually alone. He meant for the gesture to ground Shen Wei back to reality, it worked a bit. “I know you aren’t the type to take advantage of his authority,” he of course said it more for Shen Wei than to keep The Black Robe Envoy’s image. He did not want to risk people even suspecting Shen Wei, he knew how his mannerism could be misconstrued.

He tapped his shoulder again and nobody mentioned nothing, but he could tell that maybe he was the only person who had dared to touch him in a friendly manner and on the Underground itself. He did not think much of it.

They went out of the big building to… the rest of the Underground. He half expected the same level of extra, the flames illuminating as fury the statues, the feeling that everything was looming over you… the darkness of all. He was… a bit disappointed? No. He was disappointed at the palace and the stark difference of the town? and the palace. 

He could suddenly understand by looking around a little bit more about Shen Wei. His quiet countenance. His air of importance that was not smug, but because of a heavy responsibility. Things… were hard here. It took no less than just looking up to understand that the Undergrounders wanted out. He felt claustrophobic even if he wasn’t surrounded by walls. He wanted for the few candles to shine more brightly, to give off more heat, to at least be as pleasant as the moonlight, but even the light of the candles just reminded him that there was more darkness surrounding him. He felt for a second… as if he was not going to get out of here… never.

But at the same time, he felt obligated to help. To do whatever he could do. To get in as much trouble as he could just to be able to help a bit. He looked around and saw the need for Shen Wei to help, to be as merciful as he was. He might not spend much time here, but there wasn’t a need for it, because a few seconds it’s all it took for him to feel horrible. He did not know how much time Shen Wei had spent here, but he could know tell the influence of the place on his actions, on his quiet demeanor… he understood again his need for help and how he bore the responsibility of being The Black Robe Envoy which a little bit more ease because he remembered, he remembered clearly every single day what was he fighting for.

Still.

Looking around he also realized the secretary… and… immediately suspicion arose. He had been amused by his aloofness on the surface, but here it seemed irresponsible and negligent. Either he wanted to hide how much he controlled of the Underground, or how much he actually did not and still wanted to keep his place since he could certainly not survive without the benefits of his title. His incompetence, real or not, affected Shen Wei deeply. Not only was he an obstacle, but he happily followed rules and blamed others almost purposefully to be a hindrance. Zhao imagined that if Shen Wei could have his way, he would either appoint someone competent or he would divide himself between here and the surface. But also Zhao did not want that kind of responsibility for Shen Wei. He needed… something to relax. Now, he understood more than ever the need for Shen Wei to teach, to learn, to interact with people without his title in the middle. He was still respected, but not because he was feared, but because of his knowledge. He could use his more natural abilities like learning instead of the fighting ones he had to develop later. He was… another soldier that had climbed up the ranks and had had to stay there.

The secretary kept him walking and walking and walking. He could not help himself from actually yawning and increasingly getting more and more deeply into the city. He had not slept that night. He had laid there on his bed, ghost touching his lips, his neck, near his hips. Every single place where Shen Wei had even just brushed against him last night. He was not going to say that he did not notice the looks that the man gave him, the way he sometimes held him a bit too close, a bit too long; the way he took care of him. He knew that Shen Wei loved him, he kinda suspected that he might  _ want  _ him, but yesterday he realized how much. Of course, right at that moment, in between the streets of the underground, he was not thinking of Shen Wei kissing him again, there was time for that later. He kept looking around, barely noticing the clothes of people that looked so much alike than the clothes on the surface. It wasn’t as if he was expecting everybody to be wearing cloaks and for Shen Wei to have the ultimate robe, but still.

And then

He heard it.

Of course, he heard the cry for help. Of course, he fell a little bit into the trap. Enough at least for them to believe that he was hopeless. But… of course… he was smarter than that. He had nothing important on him except his own person. They would probably not hurt the secretary because of his status. He thought of the power of the secretary, it certainly was not words, it certainly was not lying, it might just be that his power was being a pain in the ass.

It certainly must be, because as soon as the three youngsters stopped being a problem, and he went away with the excuse of asking for directions for the place that he lived in, he continued to be a nuisance even if he was not there.

He waited and waited. The worry and the impatience of his heart hiding pretty well that he felt incredibly uncomfortable there. Nobody seemed to pay him no mind, maybe it was because he was so utterly lost that only the lost could find him. He constantly checked his phone. He thought that maybe if Shen Wei ever had a phone he could just… call him. Maybe get him one of those that only worked for answering calls. Untraceable ones. Though, he could guess that he did not have any fucking signal here.

And from out of his nightmares, came a voice.

At least that was how the voice wanted to be perceived.

But Zhao had always been the kind that when he was curious or intrigued about something, anything else left his mind, including fear… sometimes self-preservation.

And amongst the lost… he found the thing lost in memory by everybody. forgotten. Discarded.

The… thing… repeated his name. The voice sounded too familiar and every time he said his name again, he got unnerved of how much he actually recognized the voice. Maybe it was from his own nightmares.

_ Come _

_ Come _

_ come!come! _

His courage bled through him with every breath, with every second that he spent there with that thing. He actually started to feel lost. He was now incapable of smiling.

Maybe it did not know his deepest and darkest desires, but it did certainly knew his deepest fear.

Maybe he was… doing something wrong.

Maybe he was not helping at all.

Maybe he was not building an actual team, but a codependent bunch.

Maybe he was following the orders of another entity as that Jui Zhung.

Maybe his whole life was a lie.

And he was about to spiral into self-doubt and a bit of his impulsive and aggressive nature, but thankfully, the three youngsters appeared.

Unfortunately, he was too frazzled up by the new revelations and… honestly… he had all the odds against him. He had no powers, no credible lying ability for now and then… well… he had kicked one of them.

At least they were fearful enough of Shen Wei, though he did not know why they would call him a traitor?!

He ran and ran and ran and ran. The ground was not good for running. The ground was probably not good for being in there.

Still.

The next series of events where a whirlpool of emotions and almost a disappointment of the state of affairs of the Underground.

No schools

No mothers who raised children.

No hospitals.

No light…

Not actually really doing good…. just… being on the wrong side of history.

Was that possible?

And then an actual whirlpool of moving extremely quickly.

And there he was… Lao Wu, the living proof that The Black Robe Envoy was as merciful as Shen Wei was.

He just felt the need to hug him. To… oh! He actually could kiss him now…

He would then kiss him sweetly. Quietly and subtly apologizing for ever doubting of his character.

As he kept walking he realized as well that he knew why Shen Wei had always his windows opened, why he had chosen the apartment with the largest amount of light, why he loved walking around at night… why he loved walking around everywhere. Surely his mind was flying around, enjoying the sky and the openness of everything. Zhao knew that there was air circulating around and that he was not suffocating, but that is how the place felt like. He understood why the undergrounders fought so bravely to never come back, why the strongest came to the top. They were the ones whose spirit had not been crushed, suffocated to death or submission, to the idea that this was it.

He was sure this was not all that bad, but… it could certainly be better.

He got lost in that, in the new knowledge of Shen Wei, in the new possibilities for them in the new step of their relationship. He barely could tell when the old cunning fox came back. He hoped Shen Wei would know, and if he did not, then Zhao would be there, to protect him, to help him, to cover every blindside he had.

At least that was his plan, but this place reminded him time and time again that he was but a simple human. Fragile. Easily affected by dark power. Mortal. And Shen Wei… as much as people hated him, that did not take away from the actual power he possessed. But still, he wanted to protect him.

He certainly did not felt as helpless as the moment that he felt his skin being pierced by… what? Scissors? They had scissors!?

He put pressure on his wound, but he knew that it was no good.

He…

was…

going…

to die…

and here of all places.

And part of him actually reprimanded him when Shen Wei appeared to save him. How could he have ever doubted in a million years that Shen Wei would even let him approach the gates of death. To even get a glimpse of them. He would not.

He was there…


	15. Uneasy lies the head...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shen Wei wishes with all his heart that Zhao was not on the Underworld.
> 
> Also he goes feral when he finds him, so that is fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update.  
> I wanted to check the writing again since I first wrote it when I was really tired.
> 
> I will probably set up a schedule.

Shen Wei did not want any of this.

Had never wanted any of this.

He just wanted to be able to end all of the bureaucracy just for a few hours, keep Zhao Yunlan by his side and hold his hand to check that he was right beside him.

He could not do any of that.

He was “about to throw hands”, as Zhao would have put it, literally in front of the most important person of the Underworld because… of… Zhao!

He kept his mouth shut only because he imagined that he was biting down on the throat of that man and making him breathe no longer and! 

Hmmm…

Just bite your tongue, you do not need to do a lot of talking, you need to look down and keep looking down all your life for the rest of your days and then know and trust that Zhao could protect himself, that is the only thing he could do, as much as the only thing that he wanted to do was not being here, not even if this saved the entire planet, he could do nothing but feel the droll dull passing of time.

He was too aware of his breathing.

He was too aware of his blinking.

He was too aware of his body.

He was too aware that he could feel his mind racing.

He wanted to trust the Regent, he really did, but he did not, that man was not willing to go sacrifice his life for Zhao, maybe for a plot, but not for Zhao, he was more of a menace than a pawn he could use. Thus, he looked for him more urgently and hated the moment that he did not actually fought to have Zhao by his side at all times.

He entered the bar almost as a last attempt.

He was desperate.

But, maybe, just maybe, with the amount of people that they were, and the propensity of Zhao to be a great bullshiter, maybe, they would know something about him.

Fortunately they had heard about him.

Unfortunately they had hear about him.

When he decided this was taking too long he did what he never did and played the title card.

He felt the weight of the cloak immediately on his head.

He remembered that line again…

And

they

called 

him

a 

traitor

they

threw

food

at

him

He…

bore it.

There was a sense of blaming the victim on the phrase: you cannot blame the tiger for its stripes. It removed the agency of the supposed “tiger” for being a tiger; an estrangement of the supposed tiger with consciousness and therefore a justification for its actions.

He knew he could not blame them.

It had been so long ago.

So much time had passed… heroes turned into villains… into traitors.

He knew how it worked. He might know why exactly they called him a traitor, but he did not care. He would gladly do it. He would gladly bore this.

He knew that the only true thing that separated him from them was not the knowledge of the surface, or his powers, it was just a title.

One of them could easily become the next successor, the endless worker, just as him, being wasted away by years unlike him.

He was just like them.

He worried about the one he loved.

He had someone that loved him.

He feared for the peace between the Underground and the surface.

He… had feelings.

But could not blame them.

He received the brunt of the hits without feeling the hurt anymore, or at least that was what he had been telling himself for years.

This was nothing.

This time it meant a little bit more mostly because it was a few seconds wasted that he could have spent finding Zhao Yunlan.

He never really relish on showing off.

He liked theatrics a bit, but if anything it was mostly to make a statement, not to instill fear on people’s hearts, for them to spew false apologies, false reverence when they had just said he was a traitor.

They all behaved. He was sure that if he put a bit more effort into it they would apologize and maybe some of them might actually get on their knees if he really really really put a lot of effort in it.

That did not happen, he mostly got the information he wanted.

He imagined that the silence would not stay on the bar long, the news of his sighting would probably spread quickly, everybody would just ruminate over the same fact, that he had been there, that he was the real deal, that he was… a traitor, again and again, and again until the word lost its meaning.

But he would never focus on that, and least of all at this very moment.

He felt a bit more justified to blame the three youngsters. From what the bartender had explained they had actively tried to do  _something_ to him. Enough to keep pursuing him, enough to not fall off the trail, enough to be genuinely afraid when they saw him asking about him.

He knew he could unleash all his power here, without fear of headaches, without fear of feeling weak or having to stop, without fear of being discovered, without fear of getting caught.

And best of all he could be selfish, not savage, but he could be cruel, even if he still contained himself and was in reality just a bit violent.

There was a sense of holding back on the surface because of several factors: to save his identity, to preserve energy, to be conspicuous.

No need for that here.

He found them and just kept repeating one question, the only question that his lips would be able to shape. 

He could see the confusion in their eyes, and he did not care.

His teeth push fiercely onto his own teeth, into his own flesh, drawing a bit of blood and healing just as quickly. That would not happen to them. Their necks would snap, their flesh would be pierced and blood would gush and he would taste the fear on their blood AND!

They were kneeling now.

He knew that people when they are faced with the prospect of death would promise anything, they would absolutely promise to serve him as personal guards if they thought that would do any good to them. But they promised another thing, and though he knew it was absolutely a lie, the promise of bringing him to Zhao lessened his violent thoughts.

Of course, by the time that he actually found Zhao, he could not focus just as much as he wanted on the fucking man that had fucking stabbed Zhao Yunlan!!

His priorities shifted ten times, if he could have he would have divided up and with one hand use his power to turn into ashes and then fire the man that had even dare of thinking of damaging Zhao, with his other hand he would have unleashed all his power to cure Zhao, but that is where the problem was… he had to use all his power on Zhao.

And he tried his best to not concentrate on the past.

He tried his best not to cry out.

He tried his best not to let slip how fucking terrified he was.

After he was sure Zhao had stopped bleeding he took him into his own arms and carried him out of here, out of danger.

He thought of going to his apartment.

  * But there was nothing there for him and was so far away from everything.



He thought of going to Zhao’s apartment.

  * Maybe he would feel safe there, but also he would have nobody to accompany him if he needed help, also Da Ching might be there.



He thought of going to a hospital.

  * But what would he say? That the man had lost blood but there was no sign of the entrance wound and that there was no evidence of blood anymore and that he truly did not know what type of blood he needed?!



He thought of going to the SID.

  * But the thought of the members of the SID discovering his secret was a little bit too much for him at this moment when he had just confessed his identity to several people just in the last few hours!



He thought of… just going to the park, where an entrance of the Underground was found. 

  * They might be close to people but also safeguarded by the anonymity of the trees. Maybe he could contact a Dixing to help!?



His brain was moving too fast, so he went to the park. He sat himself and Zhao on a bench and stared at him, trying to check his vitals though he knew full well that he was still breathing, that his heart was still beating because his own was still moving.

He refrained himself from actually just holding him and praying or plain crying.

He…

He…

H-he…

He was okay.

He was okay

He was  _okay._

Zhao, you have to be okay.

He still had some of the ashes of the documents he was searching for on his fingers, his mind had barely processed the fact that he would not get to know. That this whole thing had been in vain. That the fact that Zhao had gotten stabbed had been in vain. It did not matter that the undergrounder was dead. It did not matter that they had technically found the thing and that he had technically had talked about all his answers.

Everything concentrated on this very moment.

Shen Wei actually stayed a little bit longer more for his own sanity than Zhao’s well being. He was… fine after all, and he could not bear to look at him like this after he had seen the fear of death on his eyes, as he had heard his hitched breathing, as he had once again seen his blood spill, so dark… so finite.

The blood would never be able to tell anybody that Shen Wei had been terrified to lose him again.

He did hope, with all his heart all this exposure to dark power was not… affecting him in some way…

Even more, than it already was.

Would his energy just be… inside him, being literally half of himself… he would give him all of himself… he would burn everything to be able to hold his hand… follow him everywhere.

Finally, he again got up and got Zhao into his arms. He stayed in his Shen Wei form just in case and picked an alley close to the SID. He could now think of other alternatives, and he knew that the best place for Zhao now was… again, as it had always been, like last time he had fallen unconscious holding the Sacred Item, the SID. Maybe… Zhu Hong could help him out… maybe… he could collect himself any other place else and clean the tears that he felt welling upon his eyes.

He was not sure if he was crying because Zhao was okay… or because he had not.

Maybe both.

He was glad he had time to collect himself and think a bit about his next move because there were people on the SID, as though they had had a meeting before as if they were waiting for Zhao even though they believed that Zhao would protect Professor Shen Wei. Seeing his director on his friend’s arms, knocked out, but with no blood, they would assume that he protected Professor Shen Wei, they would think that he got in front of three, four undergrounders and beat them, but with a consequence, as when he had defended Professor Shen Wei from those robbers… let them think what they may.

Everybody crowded around him and when he finally set him on the sofa, everybody actually made a circle around him. He could see the same kind of worry that was painted on his face, but it was with different intensity as his. He could not do this. He could not just see him like this. That is how he was not aware that he had been mentioning his mother’s name and calling her desperately as he came to with a panicked cry.

He was home.

Taking a shower.

Changing the clothes that had not even been stained by his blood, but at least had the Underworld stain all in them. It would take him all he could to not come back and just burning the place where that man had stood.

By the time that he had changed clothes and was on his second cup of tea, Zhao appeared on his door.

He almost ran to his door to kiss him and check again and again and again and again into eternity that he was alive, but this was not the moment.

Zhao gave him a small smile, almost like he was expecting this same face on him, this same cup of tea and everything. His smile died quickly though. He looked at him and said with a bit of effort:

“Do you want to go on a walk with me? I have something to do.”

Shen Wei stopped himself from just blurting out that that was a horrible idea. He should just stay home, with him, prepare him something to eat that would help him with all that lost blood, he would just keep him in his arms all night, not even sleeping, just to check that he was still not a dream by morning, but Zhao looked so intent on what he was saying, he finally detected a bit of urgency on his tone, though he tried his best to hide it behind his usual smooth and flirty tone.

“Would you please first have a small appetizer and some tea?”

Zhao almost did not budge, even though he was not even aware of all that Shen Wei wanted to say instead of just “appetizer and tea”. The Professor could feel his fingers burning to feel the place where the skin had been pierced, to check if some tendons had not restructured well enough if he would ever be able to use his hand to shoot again if he would suffer no consequences of this day that would hunt Shen Wei for years to come as he had been both unable to prevent it and also fix it properly.

“Yes, of course, quickly, though, we have to go when there’s still light outside.”

Shen Wei nodded and brought the tea set. The teapot contained his favorite tea inside, something both bitter and sweet, Zhao had learned to like this flavor in specific since Shen Wei made it so often. He even at some point had bought for both of them when they were out one day in a coffee shop. It had not tasted just as good, but Zhao’s excited eyes made him say that he liked it.

Shen Wei barely ate because he kept looking at Zhao and kept expecting him to see him on the floor at any moment. He also spent most of the time trying to get that image from his eyes.

Zhao remained very silent the whole time and that barely helped with Shen Wei’s humor.

At least the silence was not uncomfortable.

At least the silence was bearable.

At least the silence gave him a chance to actually hear his breathing and confirm time and time and time and time and time again that he was breathing.

Zhao also did not mention that Shen Wei had left his tea to become cold, that he had not touched once any of the appetizers.

Shen Wei wanted nothing but to take Zhao’s hands into his, hold him by his waist to ground him here, now, in this very moment since his mind and eyes got lost somewhere very far away, somewhere so far that not even Shen Wei could go. He only held the flowers tightly that he had bought somewhere along the way and he could see that he was trying not to crush them to death.

As they went out and actually walked, he realized that he indeed did not know where they were going. 

Though, did it really matter?

And then…

It did matter.

He barely dared to breathe when they found themselves in the cemetery.

He was once again too aware of his own body, of his surroundings.

He was not uncomfortable knowing whey they were there, the dull warm feeling of knowing that Zhao trusted him enough to do this with him to want him with him made him feel better.

He breathed a little bit more easily but still kept his distance with Zhao.

When they found the gravestone he almost broke and looked around to find whoever Zhao was looking for so frantically. He knew who he was looking for, and both of them knew that the other man would not be suddenly found unless he wanted to be found.

He stayed as calm as he could in hopes that Zhao would find it a bit comforting, knowing that he could feel safe if he wanted to say his name, to shout where he was knowing full well that he was no longer there.

By the end, Shen Wei did not know if it was the loss of the blood, the disappointment, the knowledge about his father, or what, but he gave up and put the flowers on the other side of his mother’s gravestone, looking at the flowers.

Both could tell that they were the same flowers.

Her favorite flowers.

All of Zhao’s tension however went away as he got up and he gave a slow bow to the grave. He turned around and gave a tired smile to Shen Wei and said:

“Still want to take that walk around, what do you say?”

“Of course.”

They walked until it was barely night and then they walked back. Zhao commented everything around him, and Shen Wei quickly smiled more and more easily as he saw the effort of Zhao to try to describe with as many adjectives he could the trees, and the birds, and the clouds and the slowly coming to light stars.

By the end they were walking shoulder to shoulder, their fingers sometimes brushing each other’s “accidentally”. Zhao bundled up a bit when it became a bit colder as night came slowly, and Shen Wei gave him his coat with an innocent smile. They both remembered the mountain and how Zhao had been a fucking pain in the ass, but… still. They smiled at each other and now walked back to their apartments.

They ordered some food since it was a bit too late to prepare anything.

They ate with more eased silence that was filled by light chatter that sometimes deviated into work stuff.

Shen Wei at some point looked at Zhao, at the face of the man for which they called him traitor, for which he would burn empires and nations, for which he would die if he had to and said simply:

“They called me a betrayer today because they think I am on your side as we look for the Sacred Items,” _which to be fair it is not a lie._ _“_ When in reality I am trying to _prevent a war.”_

Zhao caught the implied sentence in that and he smiled fondly and put a hand on his shoulders.

“Well, we will do our own investigation of the Sacred Items, then.”

Shen Wei smiled.

As the night progressed he wanted nothing more than to stay with Zhao, but knowing his mind the other man would think that meant way more physicality than the one he thought would be appropriate by now, even if Zhao had almost died.

He just kissed him softly for a whole minute even when he could feel Zhao trying to deepen the kiss but also holding himself back because he was tired.

As he said his last goodbye, he replaced that pained expression with this tired but almost satisfied look.

Zhao Yunlan was alive and he loved him.


End file.
